Did I just pee on a stick at 6 months pregnant?

I guess I shouldn't quite title this as a question. The reality is that - YES - I did pee on a pregnancy test at 23 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I've been toying with the idea for days. I mean, I spent so many years not being pregnant, hoping I might get pregnant, wishing to have a chance to get pregnant, I thought - don't I deserve the chance to make up for all those BFNs. Although in my case I don't even consider them BFNs... they are more like "not a chance in hell - so there's no point in spending money on pregnancy test BFNs!"

For those who have not had the pleasure of enduring a cycle where you are desperate for a BFP, waiting to see that second line is incredibly stressful. When I finally got my BFP, I like many of us, tested way too early. As a result, my BFP was so faint I wasn't sure it was there. That drove me even more nuts. I thought that was a line. I held it up to the light. It kind of looked like a line. In fact the more I stared at it, the more I was sure it was a line. But then again, maybe I stared at it so hard that I willed the line to appear and it's all in my head. Oh noo.... now I don't know if I got a BFP. What do I do with that??? Well I went out and bought 10 more pregnancy tests. Over the next 3 days I tested twice a day using more than 1 brand of test. The results were even worse. The FRER tests gave me a BFN - OH NO! The EPT gave me a BFP - Yay? Maybe? But why was the BFP not on both tests? Does this mean that it's a chemical pregnancy? Are my hormone levels too low? Now I found myself comparing the darkness of the line from one brand  to another. In fact, not only did I compare it from one brand to another but I also went and compared the morning darkness of the line to the evening urine test. THen to make matters worse, now I wanted to know if the lines would keep getting darker. If they were the same - what did that mean? Did it mean my hormones weren't getting stronger? What does all of this mean??? Aargh! Finally I said screw it - I sprung for one of those digital tests - and I peed on a stick again and it said Pregnant. Then it hit me - I might just have a BFP. I might just be pregnant.... We might have actually pulled this miracle off!

So fast forward 5 months later (since I was almost 4 weeks pregnant then), I've gotten over the anxiety of the ultrasounds and holding my breath while we look for the heartbeat, I got over the fear of not making it to the second trimester,  I got over the fear of the NT / Trisomy 18 etc tests, and I got over the getting a cerclage anxiety. Now I'm just 3 days from viability and I just want something to tell me I'm really pregnant. Yes I can feel this baby moving inside of me - and she's kicked up a storm today as if she knew what I needed to feel better about all of this. So I whipped out one of my many pregnancy tests at home... and I peed on a stick. I wanted to see that dark line. And the test did not disappoint. It was the darkest line I've ever seen on a pregnancy test before. And it just said - you know what - you really are pregnant.

So am I a little nutty? Absolutely! But do I feel better after peeing on the stick - Absolutely :) I consider it cheap reassurance.