This blog is my laughter, tears, random rants, rages, and random "Screw The World" vents. I'm a hell of a fighter and I never lose hope - no matter how bad the road gets. I am not afraid to fall either, so I'm willing to roll with the punches until we get what we want. I also take a very humorous perspective to what has been years of a very frustrating situation. There have been tons of highs and lows but this blog is my way of making sense of it all. I can't say there's some higher purpose for this blog - this is really all about me - and verbalizing what's bouncing around in my head.
So what's my deal?
What's Wrong With My Body
I've got a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. In plain terms, my ovaries produce tons of eggs - they just never get big enough so I never drop eggs. I pretty much never ovulate on my own. As a result I'm an infertile woman with way too many eggs. I'm not a traditional PCOS case, because although I have a few extra pounds, I don't have the telltale obesity, hairiness, emotional issues, bad insulin resistance, and other symptoms of PCOS. On top of my infertility issues, I also have a condition called incompetent cervix. In plain terms, my cervix is too weak to hold a pregnancy to term. My cervix tends to try to give up at about 5 months of pregnancy. Adding these two things together, my odds of having a normal pregnancy are non-existent. My odds of having a successful pregnancy are a lot lower than the average woman's odds. And to add insult to injury, I ended up with a benign neoplasm of my ovary that resulted in it crushing my ovary - so I'm down to one! Oh and I had gestational diabetes with my daughter too.
My Failures So Far
It sounds so negative to call it failures - but hey - it is what it is! I got pregnant once by accident. Although my ovaries are defective, they did bless me with 2 - 3 months of normal behavior. I actually got pregnant - but then miscarried right at 20 weeks. I walked into a routine appointment and was 4 cm dilated. I then spent several years trying to get pregnant and doing diagnostic work. I went through the whole PCOS treatment, dietary changes, metformin, etc - but I never started ovulating again. Then I did an IVF. The first cycle was a success in the sense of harvesting eggs and getting embryos - but it was a failure because I didn't get pregnant.
My Successes So Far
So far my success is this pregnancy and my Frozen Egg Transfer cycle (second run with IVF) was successful. I'm pregnant with a baby girl but mt pregnancy is high-risk. I had a preventative cerclage put in at 12 weeks - to strengthen my cervix. It's a good thing too - because my cervix did its very best to open up right again at 5 months of pregnancy. This time the cerclage held my cervix together and I have a beautiful fierce little girl. I'm currently pregnant again 2.5 years later with a surprise BFP.
My Hopes and Dreams
I really had 3 goals : one was to have my baby girl. The second was to perhaps a second one. The third is to get my PCOS under control. I want to be happy and not have any side effects from my PCOS. Now that I'm pregnant with one ovary and PCOS, I'm just eager to get through this pregnancy safely.
