2 days to Viability!

There's sort of a bittersweet taste in my mouth as I think of the countdown to viability. I'm absolutely thrilled that I'm almost there.... but the concept of viability is such a sour one. It's the point at which the doctors will try to save my baby if she's born too early. Isn't that such a horrible thought? This concept never meant much to me until I lost my baby at 20 weeks. I was just a few weeks from viability. A few weeks from her having a chance. That sounds so wrong - but the reality is - what kind of chance could she have being half baked at 20 weeks? Was my desire to have her really masking a painful reality - she would have had a lifetime of painful medical issues, developmental problems, and possibly died a long painful death if they tried to save her. It's only instinctive to want to cling to life no matter what - but I think the right thing to do was not not try and save her.

So here I sit - 48 hours from that line. Yes we've got modern science to a point where we literally have drawn a line in the sand between life and death for babies. I'm absolutely thrilled. It's the point where I can start calling our baby by her name - because in my mind - she's a baby now  - she can make it - she just needs to keep cooking! Despite all the challenges of getting pregnant - she's more than halfway here - and chances are getting better every day that she'll be born healthy. I can stop talking about if she makes it - and I can start planning for how to prevent her from being a preemie and giving her the best possible chance in life.  Better yet - I can begin the ritual of planning what to buy for this new baby. We can get a crib and pretty nursery stuff. I'll probably wait till closer to 30 weeks to do this stuff - but then again - with incompetent cervix.... maybe I shouldn't wait in case she comes early or in case I get hospitalized. Wow.... so much to deal with! Anyway - I'm thrilled that I'm brushing up against my first major milestone with this baby. We've still got a long road to go - but it's looking good from here.