Squatting towards TTC#2 and motherhood #2

 

So my random last post was really about this. It's time for me to start getting in shape. I've been doing some random running and rowing at the gym. A friend of mine posted this on Facebook and I was immediately intrigued. I miss my physical strength and muscle definition. Although this doesn't look easy - it's worth doing it. 

I started 2 days ago . I started on day one doing just 25 squats at a time. Yesterday I had to break it up quite a bit - but today - Wooohooo - I did 10 in the morning, and then 50 straight at lunch!

This is going to hurt like crazy - but the overall burning sensation in my thighs is absolute proof that this is doing something for me!

On another note - I got a reference for a fertility clinic out here. I'm excited to start getting my PCOS checked, weight down and finally onto IVF #2 :)

I did 55 squats today!

It's the first step in my getting back on the horse! I'm doing a 30 day squats challenge..... More to come about that!

But for now - besides the warm gentle trembling in my legs - I'm feeling good!

Sigh... that was a long hiatus - it's time to get back to business

I can't even think of an image that will do justice to this post - so there won't be one today. I've been gone for quite a while. This hiatus was not without merit. Before I start - let me put down the highlights of my time away:

1. I decided to move to South Africa
2. We moved to an apartment and put half our stuff in storage
3. A few months later - we shipped all of our belongings ( including our pets) to Cape Town
4. For a few months we lived with my parents 
5. We put our daughter in a Montessori school
6. We're now in our own home and trying to adjust to life here 

Although my fertility battle has been this nagging little monkey in the back of my head, I haven't been able to bring it to the forefront until today. I was due to have another FET cycle in May but I finally admitted that I'm not super woman - and I need to let myself rest. Yet here I am in April, and I'm feeling the itch. It's like that swelling sensation. It's a burning feeling that is telling me  -it's time to get to work trying to make another baby. 

I'll be doing it this time without rosy tinted glasses hiding the realities of TTC behind a pink haze. I know just how difficult this is going to be. I'm also doing this with only one ovary. Given how I lost my other one - I can only hope that I don't get another tumor that will cost me my last one. I know I need to lose about 15 lb before I try to do this. I know I need to start taking metformin again. I haven't geared up the energy to start praying to the porcelain God again. I know that there's so much that I need to do - but today is the first day that I really felt like doing it. 

My daughter deserves a sibling - or maybe two if my body is willing. So I'm going to start my metformin tomorrow. Well glucophage - metformin is more than I can tolerate. I've already started running. Now if I can just give up fruit juice - we'll be back on track.

Mission Accomplished - My Kid Doesn't Like Breastfeeding Anymore

I didn't think that I would get to this point. My kid really isn't interested in breastfeeding anymore. She is 15 months old, so it doesn't completely surprise me. She's been extremely independent with walking at 8 months. She also is clearly seeing reduced bang for buck with nursing vs. eating table food. Even with reducing her cow's milk - she isn't interested in more breastfeeding. We've been down to 1-2 nursings a day for several months. Now we've gone several days without a real nursing - and she doesn't seem the least bit bothered. I think it's safe to say - my child is pretty much done with breastfeeding

I shouldn't be surprised. She's been making less and less effort at it for months. And I've noticed lately she prefers to play with the nipple or use my boob as a pillow as opposed to actually latching. Even when she latches, the second she finds something she can pay attention to - she pops off and wants to do something else. I can't help but think she's internally thinking, "OK woman - I'll do this for a few seconds so you can feel important - but I'm really SO OVER IT!"

I never thought I'd get to 15 ( almost 16 months). Feeding my daughter was like feeding a barracuda. She had razor sharp gums and I cried through many nursings. We had a nursing strike which was horrible. I struggled with pumping and stopped responding to the electric pumps. But she and I stuck it out - and we got the job done. I'm glad I made it this far - although I had envisioned nursing until two. At this point with her lack of interest, I don't feel good about pushing the breast on her - because I feel like it may interfere with her urge to wean.

I guess this is the next step in my child's development.

In the 2WW and had my IVF consult

So in case I haven't mentioned - my cycles are now completely regular. They are actually a perfect 28/29 days apart. Which is awesome for TTC I guess. Of course, I'm not sure if they are truly ovulatory but I've got too much going on to start temping or using ovulation kits. DH and I decided to go ahead and make a half-assed attempt at TTC. So I went and calculated my fertile days and we DTD right when we were  supposed to. Now I can't test until next week Friday - but here I am wondering if I'm preggo.

I have never paid too much attention to 2ww symptoms. When I had my BFN - I had every early symptom. When I had my BFP - I had no symptoms. Yet here I am looking at my body and wondering what's going on. For starters - several days after we DTD, I had some crazy fatigue. I could barely stay awake. I felt off like I had a flu or something and that lasted 24 hours. Fast forward a few more days - and I have had some crazy cervical mucus. There's just more of it and its consistency was - well different. Maybe stringy and long? I dunno - I've never understood describing cervical mucus. So armed with those non-definitive symptoms, I'm allowing myself to at least think it's possible I could be pregnant!

Now as for the IVF consult - that was straight forward. I have 2 blastocysts and 17 eggs. I asked about gender selection but my clinic doesn't do it anymore. We're planning to do a cycle next year May or so. So it's either we get preggo on our own - or we fork out more cash, stick 2 embies in me and see what we get! Sheesh! The crazy ride begins again.

Time to TTC again - ugh or yay?

Yep - it's time again. DH and I have decided that it is time to try to have another baby. I don't know how this is going to go. I also don't even know how we want to proceed with this. I've been trying to decide if we should try naturally or if we should just aim for IVF again.

While I love the financial savings of conceiving naturally - I also don't trust my body's hormones. Maybe it's just me - but I feel like an abnormal ratio of babies born with challenges. I'm not basing this on anything scientific - just from what I've seen in the infertile community. I compare that against the few number of IVF mommies ( of reasonable age ) , who seem to have a lot less going on in the challenges area. I don't know - maybe it's just my fear talking - convincing me that I'm somehow getting a better deal with IVF - especially since it worked for us.

Either way, DH and I have agreed to stop "making sure" that we don't get pregnant - while we figure out what to do. I know that's a non-commital way to make a decision LOL. So one thing that is helping is that since I lost that one ovary to the tumor , and my surgeon sliced my other one ( wedge resection), I've been having perfect 28/29 day cycles.  Of course I'm scared to get pregnant and then lose my other ovary to a tumor - but the oncologist says it's highly unlikely - but ugh!!! Either way - I don't know how we're going to do this - but I'm eager to get this party started hehe!

I've been on hiatus for a while but my oncologist gave me the all clear

The truth is that I have too much going on right now. I haven't given this blog nearly the attention it deserves.

So here's my quick update

1 -DH and I are moving out of the country in less than 3 months - so I've been knee deep in planning a major emigration

2- business has been good but my projects are starting to converge

3 - my oncologist gave me the all clear - I'm officially off of restrictions an allowed to exercise again - wooot! I've started by doing a few push-ups every day and next week I start walking .

Finally - my LO is growing so fast !!!

I can hardly believe it...