My son's birth story

So some of you may know about my false alarm 2 days before where I came in after my membrane sweep - spent 2 hours in L&D and got sent home. After that I was so dismayed -

I was hesitant to call if I was feeling off. Well - I started contracting on Monday and contracted straight through Wednesday. I decided to take a 3/4 mile walk with DH. I figured this might get things going for my induction on Friday.

Well my contractions got worse after the walk. Then they got painful. Then they got 4-5 minutes apart. I finally folded and called my midwife. She offered for me to come in and get checked out. To my dismay -

I was still just as dilated as I was 2 days ago - ugh. The nurse said they were on the fence about admitting me and she wasn't sure what the midwife would say. Also - the hospital prefers to induce at 39 weeks unless there's a medical reason. The nurse is the same nurse that treated me 2 days before.

The nurse said - she would try to see if she could get the midwife to admit me. She made me walk for an hour around the unit. Then she said she would try something with my cervical check. She made me lay on my back, put my fists under my butt, and then shoved 4 fingers into my cervix and spread them wide. That took me to 4.5 cm dilated. The midwife came to check me out and agreed that I was 4.5 - showed enough change when I arrived and that since I'm 36, with GD and a rising blood pressure - it was ok to induce at 38.5 weeks.

By this point my contractions were hurting like hell. They moved me to a delivery room and I labored painfully until the anesthesiologist arrived with his magic. The epidural insertion was fine but I did get 'zingers' where my legs would twitch uncontrollably. After that settled down i began to feel the glorious warmth and numbness of an epidural. The contractions that were coming every 5-6 minutes and nearly bringing me to tears were finally dulling to a tolerable level.

As for the epidural  - I could move my feet , but for a while I was laying flat for too long so the medication actually moved up to the bottom of my lungs. This meant I didn't have the strength to cough and I had phlegm I couldn't clear. After nearly choking twice - we talked to the nurse - they adjusted my position, and the control of my lungs returned.

I then heard the nurse say that my contractions had slowed down so they would run pitocin. This was fine by me - and my contractions started moving to every 2 minutes.  Then they got painful - the epidural was wearing off !! The anesthesiologist came to switch my epidural drugs and the pain relief returned. However I started to get light headed. He told me to close my eyes and lay back as they added medication to my IV. My light headedness finally went away. I then slept on and off for the next few hours. I started to feel pressure down there .....

They decided the midwife should come break my waters. Apparently I kept falling asleep so they let me rest. When they decided at 6:30

Am that my waters needed to be broken ..... I felt a pop and a gush ! My waters broke!

Then things got into action. My midwife swooped in - said OH CRAP! And got to work preparing to deliver the baby. They checked my cervix and felt the baby's head. About 6 people walked in the room to prepare for my delivery. They took their stations and my midwife got to work. She assigned a nurse to each leg and they got me up in the stirrups. They asked me to put my hands behind my knees, to pull my legs up and tuck my chin. The. They made me take a deep breath and then hold it as I tried to take the mother of all shits. We did that for 6 minutes and then the midwife said -

Just one more! I thought she was BSing - but hey I gave it my all -

And Then I heard the cries of our son. I completely welled up with tears. They pulled him out, wiped him down and he was on my chest!!!! I got to hold him for quite some time and then she let DH cut the umbilical cord. Then he was moved to the newborn care station and they worked on cleaning him up. I was overwhelmed emotionally. I pushed out the placenta and the midwife said - no tears and no stitches necessary! She said she was shocked I got an 8 lb 3 oz baby out that easily. I think it's the SPD that made it possible. I still had nurses coming to check my abdomen and to help me cramp down.

Fast forward a few hours and I'm walking around. I've taken 2 pees with no pain. They gave me a preventative laxative so I can poop in peace. This is the most amazing recovery ever. So now  I'm just here ogling over my son! I can't believe I have a son!!!!

Although I battled with breastfeeding my first child, by the third attempt my son completely latched and nursed for 15 straight minutes. We are off to a great start!

I might have been in labor for 3 days but this kind of delivery made it worth it!!

Why I don't expect my pregnancy to empower me

As I'm approaching the removal of my cerclage and the next phase of waiting for my weak cervix to finally give way... I wanted to address this idea of the woman empowered by child birth. I probably won't win any fans for this blog post, but I've been surfing blogs lately and I came across something very disturbing - Powerbirthing. But before I go into that, I want to put some thoughts down about this idea of the empowerment of child birth. I know there's been a big movement towards natural birth. I've read tons of information about women complaining that they should be in full control of their deliveries. I've read about women complaining about doctors making us do things that are not natural. I've even read about women who feel empowered by doing a birth the way they want to.

I don't want to be in charge

Maybe I'm wrong for feeling this way, but I don't see anything empowering about the child birth process. I am also not looking to get on some kind of level playing ground with my doctor when it comes to my care. My responsibility is to be as informed as possible and to pick a doctor who falls in line with how I want to be treated. But here's where I deviate from the idea of being empowered - I don't want to be in control of my treatment. I want to pick a doctor that I can trust so much that I take their advice and direction when it comes to my health care. After all - they are the experts.

To hell with natural unmedicated child birth - it hurts

Now I should be clear - I'm not advocating for elective inductions or elective c-sections because I'd never go under the knife unless I had to.  That being said, I don't want to breathe through excruciating pain during my labor so I can wear some imaginary badge of honor saying I did it naturally. Natural birth has been killing women in child birth for centuries. I have felt contractions before - and frankly speaking if I could get through a labor never feeling them - I'd be the happier for it. We've come far enough that we can have medical interventions that significantly decrease the risk of death for mother and child. I want a doctor with such a good track record that I feel safe getting an epidural. I want to feel so confident that I'll push when they say push - because they've done this over and over.

I hear women talk about birthing in tubs, wanting no medication, wanting to feel every inch of pain - and I can only ask myself - why on earth would I want to do that? Will it make them love their babies more? Is there any research that proves that babies born with no medical intervention / pain management are more successful as people in the long run? When did it become cool to go through a painful experience?

I plan on having a vaginal birth - and only because I don't want to have to go through the pain of recovering from a c-section. I want to have the faster recovery. I've already had to have 2 surgeries just to get this far with my pregnancy - I don't want to have to do a third. I also run the risk of needing a D&C like I did after my first failed pregnancy. I had a textbook delivery but was still passing clots days later.

What exactly is empowering about birthing with pain?


 I read tons of blogs  talking about getting empowered through childbirth. It's the one thing we go through where we are helpless. We need assistance, we need moral support, we need physical support and we need medical support. I don't see myself as feeling any more empowered once I've managed to push a small watermelon outside of my body. If anything it's going to be my most significant moment of weakness - where I'm going to relinquish control to those I trust the most and blatantly ask them to help me get through this. I remember when I lost my first pregnancy at 20 weeks. I had to go through an entire delivery - and all I could think was that my husband was there giving me strength. He was there to be strong when everything inside of me felt that this was the most traumatizing thing I'd ever been through. I knew I could trust him to make any medical decisions that needed to be made for me. I knew he'd take care of me - and through that confidence, I knew I'd be ok.

I'm anticipating the same thing when I deliver. My labor will have pain, I'll have to lean on him for support, and in my moment of weakness I will feel the ultimate sense of safety because I know he'll be there - and I trust my medical team. So maybe this is me just ranting - but where's the empowerment in this whole process? At what opportunity will I have a chance to feel like I'm a stronger woman?

Now this PowerBirthing thing


This won't be a popular thing to say - but far too many women have posted horror stories ( example - click here ) about how going through a PowerBirth has led them to feel violated, feeling childbirth raped, left them with physical damage, left them with psychological scars and scared them off of natural child birth. Some people argue that manual dilation is part of the process, others say it isn't.  I went to the PowerBirth website (click here)and it's a blur of saying this is how millions of women have delivered naturally, that doctors have taken away our rights as women in child birth, that we don't have to be fully dilated to deliver safely, that a cervix can't be destroyed by pushing too early, etc. It talks about how you can empower yourself taking over the birthing process by taking control. To me it sounds like it speaks to the insecurity that far too many women suffer from. It promises an opportunity to somehow feel like you are stronger than how you feel right now.  Oh yeah and for the price of a book and a DVD, you can buy a window into this wonderful world of empowerment through PowerBirth. What I do know is that I refuse to accept that minimal medical intervention is somehow better.

I'm not judging anyone

I have a good friend who just went through a natural non-medicated birth with a labor that lasted 38 hours. And hands down - more respect to her - because there's no way I'd ever do that to myself. I have another friend who wants to do a water birth. Of course there's no chance of an epidural with that route either. I've actually had an epidural twice in my life - both with positive results - so I consider them acceptable pain management tools. I don't judge them for going that route. I can honestly see how attractive it seems - but in my infertility battles and struggles to stay pregnant, I've dealt with excruciating and even chronic pain - and I prefer not to feel it if I don't have to. I'm already having a test tube baby. My pregnancy is a testament to the marvels of modern medicine. I see no reason why I would suddenly rebuke my medical interventions and try to do this on my own.

So the whole point of this random rant is to say - Kudos to those who want to do all natural birth and will somehow enrich their lives by embracing all of the discomforts that come with rearing children. I have absolutely no desire to - and although my opinion isn't the popular one - it's mine and I'm sticking to it :)