I'll hopefully remember to update this on a regular basis. This whole fertility battle has been such a roller coaster. I've been completely demoralized, absolutely elated, terrified, bitter, sad, and strangely calm. It's anyone's guess to see how I will feel. When I started this battle, I told my husband - we go for parenthood or broke - whichever happens first. I really wanted to have a child of my own - although I'd resigned to have to do donor eggs, surrogacy or even adoption if it came to that. I had years of feeling as if I was incomplete- somehow less of a woman. That mainly started when I lost my first pregnancy at 20 weeks.
Right now I've settled into motherhood - and I'm over my short cancer scare. That pelvic mass turned out to be a benign neoplasm on my ovary. Benign being the most important word. It ended up crushing and destroying one of my ovaries - but I am still standing. I had it removed last year - and I'm back to normal. I also got an unwanted wedge resection on my other ovary! Although I was pissed about that, I'm also having regular monthly periods for the first time in my life. I don't know how I feel about that I guess. Happy but still pissed!
Add to all of this - the move we just did to South Africa. My world has been in an incredible state of flux. We've moved successfully but something inside of me feels like we may have made a mistake. Well perhaps not a mistake - because it's nothing that can't be undone. I also would never have forgiven myself if we didn't try this. At least I have my health - and I'll be back on the fertility horse again. Either way - it's time for us to figure out what we really want and then ultimately when to TTC again and finally where we want to ultimately live....
Soooo - fast forward a year and I just got a BFP. I'm still just as conflicted about living here - well - no to be honest - I would rather be in the states. I admit I've been biased - as I don't trust doctor's here. They are sort of mini-gods here - and patients don't question them. That's fine and dandy - but I'm a high risk patient, with a degree in biology and a strong understanding of online research. Needless to say - I've pissed off quite a few doctors for asking for too much. The approaches out here are much more relaxed - sort of a wait and see approach which is the opposite of what I want. I've gone through plenty of OBs trying to find some who understand the treatment protocol I want. Did you hear me say want..... yes I am finding myself telling my doctors how my treatment should go. That's not a good sign! Anyway - we've decided to pack our bags and go back to Atlanta - to go back to the medical teams that delivered our child safely into this world. Crazy huh? So I've got 8 weeks to basically pack our stuff up and haul ass back to the states ( furniture, baby, cats and all in tow!).
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