So I was part of a chat the other night for women on bedrest. There was a lady who came on and was all about positive thinking. She cited that the number one cause of pre-term labor is stress and bed rest causes stress. She talked about meditation, positive thinking and this concept visualizations. There was also a medical doctor who joined and he was actually not so keen on the idea of "positive thinking" saves pregnancies.
Now I think there's a balance here. On one side, it seems that the lady was suggesting that you pretty much keep saying - this baby's gonna make it - over and over and over - and it will happen. I see the other side, what happens if you get your hopes up and your baby doesn't make it. Having lost a baby at 20 weeks, and having allowed myself to slip into a 3 day period (at the end) of telling myself over and over - we're going to get through this... we're going to have this baby.... she's going to make it.... and then not making it. I don't know if I subscribe to that mentality. I lay there in hospital with wires and sensors wrapped to my body - and for 3 days willed my uterus to stop contracting. I willed my baby to stay inside. I willed by body to cam down just enough for the doctors to put an emergency cerclage in. What I got was my water breaking in the middle of one of these "positive visualization" moments. That was followed by an overwhelming sense of grief and failure.
Did I lie to myself and think I had more control over my situation? Did I not want my baby bad enough? Did I somehow fail my unborn child? Either way - I regret having that sense of false control because I could just be positive and get through this.
Going forward... I really just focus on still being positive, but being always aware of the risks and dangers with my situation. It might sound pessimistic, but I have to remember that there are 2 possible outcomes for this pregnancy - and both of them are equally possible. I don't really have control over how it's going to go, I can only control what I can do to tip the scales in my favor. I can't allow myself to think about this pregnancy going to term without remembering that it might not make it to term. It's been an interesting ride getting this far and I'm excited to meet my baby.... I just hope we make it to the finish line.
Great post! And actually each outcome isn't equally likely right? You are much more likely to take your baby home, so focus on that!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to tell.... I have a cohort of PCOS mothers-to-be all due to deliver in July of this year like me.... and we just lost 1 pregnancy. My hormones are jacked up with PCOS and it's hard to tell when my hormones will rear their ugly head. As my perinatologist said - we take it week by week - and we will deal with the pre-term labor if and when it comes.... My chances are better because I'm under the care of a high-risk pregnancy specialist- but nothing is guaranteed.
ReplyDeleteYou are so close to your goal -25 weeks is great - breaking it down into weekly goals, as my dr did for me. 28 weeks was our #1 goal, then 30, now onto 32. Medicine can do so much at each stage. Ultimate goal of course is full term, but as you say, there is only so much we can do, and some of it is just fate, I believe. You're doing a great job 'resting' - and I share your Sat night sentiments. Felt that way on Sun AM. I've resorted to Netflix'ing long tv series like Lost & Damages to just make the days go by a little quicker. Though I swear I feel the brain cells evaporating.
ReplyDelete