The nursery decal mission progresses

My dear husband gave up a few hours to put up decals in the nursery. I'm absolutely in love with how they came out. I put up the first images here : http://pcosflowerchica.blogspot.com/2011/05/nesting-is-in-full-effect.html back when I was sticking decals on the walls in different places to get an idea of how to lay out the room. Aside from the name decal that came with the kit but looked way too small, we've got them pretty much all up. Don't mind the crazy looking cat eyes in the first picture. She wouldn't move out of the shot!

Who gave my baby an ice pick?

So once you get to 8 months pregnant - you get cocky. You start thinking you have a pretty good handle on the pregnancy symptoms and discomforts. I survived the first trimester morning sickness blues. I've dry heaved, been nauseas, suffered through cravings, been bloated, peed every 10 minutes, etc. I just discovered a new blessing. As my little one gets bigger (I'm 33 weeks), when she shifts or punches - I get a stabbing sensation in my cervix at the top of my "cooch". It literally feels like she has an ice pick and is trying to poke her way free. It's so bad sometimes it stops me dead in my tracks or makes me gasp. My poor husband has to watch me randomly wince in pain.

Of course both my perinatologist and my obgyn swear that it's normal. They say it can be more intense with a cerclage. I totally hear them but my instinct just isn't buying it. It doesn't seem normal to have such a strong sharp pain and for there to be nothing wrong! That being said... I'm only 2.5 weeks away from having my cerclage removed. Then the labor watch begins! How crazy is that!!!

A friend asked me yesterday why I sound like I have no fear about the labor. I don't know why - but I explained that maybe it's because I've been through hell already. I've already delivered a 20 week old baby that didn't make it. I know what labor is all about. I've gone through IVF cycles, a cerclage surgery, weekly injections in my back side, watching 2 nurses fight to put an IV In my arm (4 failed attempts ), cramps from ovarian over stimulation, and crippling sciatic pain from 17p shots. Could labor really be any worse than that?? I'm just ready to meet this little one!

Trending my glucose numbers with gestational diabetes

As if the excitement of sticking my fingers 4 times a day wasn't enough, I decided to actually start charting my numbers for my glucose readings. It's sort of frustrating when I see numbers that are out of range. I'm also kind of interested to see what my perinatologist and obgyn will say about these numbers. I'm sort of nervous about being prescribed glyburide. I hear about women feeling groggy and having really low blood sugars. My ketones have been awesome and are almost always in range. My 2 hour scores are pretty much manageable. The general rule is as long as it's home cooked foods, my numbers are fine. I get high numbers when I eat out. My fasting is what I can't quite figure out... It does seem to be just above normal. The only consoling thing is that our baby hasn't been showing any signs of abnormal growth because of my gestational diabetes.


Ketones
Average Ketone - 3.8 - less than trace ketones

Fasting
Average Fasting - 94.5
47% of fasting numbers in range

2 hour after Breakfast
Average 2 hours after breakfast 109
76% of 2 hour after breakfast numbers in range

2 hour after Lunch
Average 2 hours after lunch 106
88% of 2 hour after lunch numbers in range


2 hour after Dinner
Average 2 hour after dinner 115
56% of dinner fasting numbers in range

Going by these - I kind of feel like only breakfast and lunch are under control. The other numbers are a crap shoot!

I got hospitalized for severe dehydration and hectic contractions

Well yesterday was quite the rollercoaster ride. It all started around 9:00 am. I took a shower, but when I got out of the shower I didn't feel so good. I had what I thought might be a cramp from diarrhea about to start. It lasted maybe 10 minutes. I went downstairs and prepared my usual lame breakfast of cheerios and a handful of almonds. I was hit with a very strong cramp. And the cramp didn't go away! I messaged my husband upstairs and told him I was cramping. I immediately logged when it started and when it ended. Then 10 minutes later, I got another one. This one lasted about 5 minutes. A third one came and I started to notice tears were rolling down my cheeks.

We logged the fourth and fifth one. I thought I might be having an upset stomach, but I tried to go #2 and nothing came out. By the time I logged the sixth one, I decided to call my specialist. They said I should call my OB first. If my OB wouldn't see me, they would let me come in. I called my OB and did my routine introduction, "I'm a patient there, I'm 32 weeks pregnant with a cerclage and history of incompetent cervix." I added, "I've been having severe pain / cramps for the last hour and there have been more than 4 in an hour. The nurse put me through to the nurses' voicemail. Of course in my mind I'm like WTF!!! Anyway - the voicemail message said they would call back in an hour. I repeated my little speech and waited.

30 minutes passed, and still no call back. At this point I Was in severe pain. I tried all the things they say to do, drink water, lay on your side, try to relax, etc and none of it was working. Out of frustration I called the OB back and told them my deal and said - I've already left a voicemail - no one called me back and I need to come in. Finally after a 10 minute wait on the phone, they said if you can be here by 11:30 - we'll see you.

DH packed an overnight bag in lightning speed and we hopped in the car. In the car I started crying. It was a combination of the waves of pain that were coming as well as just plain fear. The last time I raced to the hospital while pregnant - I ended up losing the baby and I just didn't want to go through that again. I got to the OB office and had to go through the whole routine. It was frustrating because I was contracting in the waiting room while waiting for them to see me. Then I had to walk to the first station to give a urine sample. Then walk to the second station to get weighed. Then I had to walk to the waiting room. All the while I'm contracting. They called my name and moved me to an examination room. They tell me to get undressed. Oh no - more contractions! Finally the midwife comes in and says, let me ask the doctor if he wants me to examine you. She steps out - more contractions! Ugh! It felt like forever, but she returned and said - the doctor doesn't want me to examine you. We're going to give you an ultrasound and then admit you to labor and delivery. So please get dressed again and I'll take you to the ultrasound waiting room. I get dressed - and guess what - more contractions!!

In the ultrasound waiting room, DH and I are sitting there and two women walk in. I'm barely paying attention to their conversation, but I distinctly remember them basically badmouthing their friend who was dating an overweight woman with no ambition. Of course it was odd because they were both overweight... but hey ....who am I to judge. More contractions start. Finally the ultrasound tech calls my name. I get on the table and get an ultrasound. My cervix is still closed - PHEW! I start having contractions again while on the table. She looks at the baby - and she's looking good on the ultrasound - double PHEW! Oh this means I'm not in labor yet.

We go back to another waiting room. The midwife comes over, tells us how to walk over to Labor and Delivery.  She tells us that they are waiting for us and also arranges for me to have a diabetic lunch meal when I get there.  We make the trek through the heat and get over to Labor and Delivery. We do some paperwork. In the middle of doing the paperwork it hits me - we've just preregistered for the hospital. One more thing on my checklist done! Again the contractions start. They finally get me into a delivery room and they get me hooked up on the monitors. They also get a urine sample from me. The nurse brings me a jug of water and tells me to start drinking.

For a little while, I was feeling good. Then I got scared, that maybe once I'm finally under observation, my contractions will disappear and I'll look like one of those hypochondriacs who claim to be sick when they aren't. I lie there and the pains start again. The nurse comes in and confirms, "yes - you're having contractions". They tell me they are going to try giving me water first to see if that stops it. If not, they will give me an IV. If that doesn't work they will give me medication. She eventually comes back and says my urine sample shows me as being dehydrated. I drink a bottle of water, a jug of ice water, and even the unsweet tea from my lunch they gave me - and still no luck. I'm still contracting. I'm getting up every 10 minutes to go to the bathroom - but still no luck. And the contractions are still going.

The nurse decides to put an IV in. She struggles to get a vein. Once she finds one that she likes, the puts the IV in. It fails. It hurt like all hell to have her pushing that needle in and out trying to get my vein. I'm used to getting lidocaine to numb the area before they stick. She didn't do that. I start moaning in pain. She gives up and gets a senior nurse to try. The nurse tries the other hand. The same thing happens. They push and pull the needle in and out but no luck. At this point I have bruises on both arms from attempts to get an IV in. The nurses conclude they need to pull in the IV specialist team.

During this entire time I'm still trying to guzzle water and the contractions aren't going away. FInally after an hour, the IV specialist shows up. She was really pleasant. We spoke a bit about epideurals and her advice was get the pain meds if you can. She'd done a pregnancy with and without and swore she'd never deliver without again. She started looking for a vein. It took her quite a while but she was able to get it and to get an IV in. FINALLY! The nurse comes in and starts running the IV into my arm. My contractions start slowing down. My mood definitely started improving. The midwife came to see me and talked to me a bit about how I may have gotten dehydrated. She explained that in my case, the traditional 60 ounces of water a day might not be enough. She suggested no less than 80 ounces but ideally I should drink as much as I can tolerate even if I live in the bathroom. She also offered to give me a drug by IV for pain and to calm my uterus. She explained that it was good that I came in. If I hadn't come in, it would have progressed to full labor.

They put that drug in my IV and I didn't feel anything until it was almost done. Then I suddenly lost all sense of balance. I also started dozing. I saw another nurse come in and tell me I was being released. DH walked me over to the bathroom to pee again. I could barely walk. He had to help me get dressed. I remember him walking me back to the wheelchair and I plopped down but my head was still spinning. I remember being walked out of the hospital and we waited for him to pull up. DH took me home, I believe we stopped to pick up sandwiches. I stayed in the car. I dozed off while sipping water, and spilled water down the front of my shirt. In fact I think it spilled out of my mouth. He brought me a sandwich. I took some bites, but I dozed off mid bite and the food nearly fell out of my mouth. DH woke me up before it did. I passed out a few times on the drive home and I remember walking into the house.

So here I am the next morning. I'm on the couch, guzzling water, and hoping for the best. I have 4 weeks until my cerclage comes out - well now under 4 weeks, and I'm just grateful for every day that we get.

40 things I never thought I'd do until I got pregnant

1. Wipe the crack of my ass with medicated preparation H wipes for 2 weeks with no success
2. Pee every 20 minutes
3. Eat pickles and ginger snaps
4. Sleep on a couch for 15 weeks 
5. Suffer through 8 months of vivid dreams
6. Stick my fingers 4 times a day to test my glucose
7. Sleep with my legs elevated for days at a time
8. Spend 3 months researching cribs
9. Crochet 8 blankets out of boredom
10. Fantasize about being able to drive my car to Target and just shop
11. Wake up to pee 3 times a night
12. Be unable to get out of bed until I feel a baby kick inside of me 
13. Pay someone to keep me company at home while on bed rest
14. Get injected in my butt every week for 15 weeks
15. Reduce my wardrobe to 7 items that I could wear for every day of the week 
16. Be restricted from going upstairs more than once a day 
17. Do the toilet paper dance( constantly looking in toilet paper after wiping to look for signs of bleeding)
18. Envy another woman because her belly was bigger than mine
19. Be awake and babbling for a surgery while my legs dangled in a harness
20. Get acupuncture
21. Confine myself to the house for almost 4 months
22. Celebrate that the highlight of my week is a trip to see a doctor
23. Take 10 home pregnancy tests in 3 days because I kept getting different results
24. Yelp when I take my bra off because my breasts were so sore
25. Worry that I wasn't gaining enough weight
26. Sleep with a pillow between my legs
27. Practically live in a bathroom
28. Have a test tube baby
29. Fantasize about all the cloth diapers I could buy
30. Go more than 6 months without eating sushi
31. Give up diet drinks
32. Inject myself with medications up to 4 times a day 
33. Sleep for 14 hours straight
34. Fall asleep while driving (yes that really happened to me)
35. Eat string cheese 3 times a day for the protein
36. Pray for a normal bowel movement
37. Shave my nether regions blindly and not care if I missed patches of hair
38. Be happy to see additional pounds on the scale
39. Ogle over a high-end diaper pail
40. Go more than 8 months with no exercise

I'm actually 32 weeks pregnant and winning the battle slowly!

If you've been reading my blog, you'll notice I often start a post with "I can't believe we've come this far". That's because it's true. This has been such a harrowing journey that it's been very hard to visualize the end approaching. There were so many opportunities for things to go wrong. If I think about starting with an unexpected pregnancy that was discovered at 11 weeks. Then I lost that pregnancy 9 weeks later with a spontaneous dilation because of incompetent cervix. There's nothing as crappy as walking into a monthly appointment (Excited) and being told - you have to go to Labor and Delivery. Then 3 days later feeling your water break and knowing your baby won't make it.

Then spending another 5 years trying to actually get pregnant. That was a blur of excessive exercise, weight loss, diets, metformin aka glucophage, a 4 month stint of explosive diarrhea, a year's worth of fertility diagnostic work, a round of IVF (with a BFN), a mild case of OHSS, a frozen egg transfer, acupuncture, and finally a BFP. And as if that wasn't enough, a surgery to put in my cerclage ( stitches on my cervix to strengthen it), a cervix that decided to shorten 8 weeks later, 15 weeks of bedrest at home (which I'm 11 weeks into), and now gestational diabetes!

You'll find that I repeat it often but I believe to speak about personal challenges is to release yourself from the hold they have over you. I'm not ashamed of what I'm dealing with. My fertility battle is simply not something I'm ashamed of. As I manage to overcome these hurdles, I get more and more confident that we're going to make this happen.

So now onto the reason that I actually wanted to post today! My 32 week perinatologist appointment went great. Our baby is now 4 lb and 11 ounces. As she gets bigger and bigger I envision the risks of her being born early get smaller and smaller.  The doctor told me she's showing no signs of abnormal growth from the gestational diabetes - and that's comforting. I've been pretty diligent about testing my blood and sticking to the diet they gave us. She's head down and she's having fun pushing down as hard as she can. The only slightly concerning thing was that my cervix has started shortening again. In fact, it's the shortest that it's ever been - 1.7cm. The doc said it was expected - so I'm not going to get too worried about it. I also got my weekly 17 p shot at that appointment. It's hard to believe that it's been 11 weeks of going to the nurses, bending over, and getting a horse needle injection in my backside! The one interesting thing is that I'm only up about 10 lb in this pregnancy. Now anyone who knows PCOS is that weight gain is the bane of our existence - so this has been a pleasant surprise. I'm not going to struggle to get my body back after this pregnancy.

So I'm a happy camper. Our baby stretches a lot and is pushing the limits of my womb. It's a pleasant confirmation that she's doing just fine. Hopefully all will go well and I can get over the guilt I used to feel about not being able to provide a suitable womb to bring a child into this world.

The Nesting is in full effect

I can't believe it  - I'm almost 8 months pregnant. We've started putting our nursery together. It's kind of interesting to see the different pieces coming together . Now here's a disclaimer - we've just started so it's not anywhere close to finished. We haven't even decided where the decals will ultimately end up.

Here's the changing table and the dresser. I have stuck everything up with frog tape until I decide where it will all go.

Here's the crib that we went with. For anyone interested - it's the .Delta  Canton 4 in 1 Convertible Crib . It's one of those 4 in 1 cribs - so it will expand into a a day bed ( which I'll never use) , toddler bed, and then full size bed when it's done. That's the tiddliwinks safari bedding there too.

Here's the lion part of the decals. Sorry for the white block. It's the baby's name  - but I'm not ready to share that yet!

Here's the decal for the giraffe.

Here's the little monkey riding the elephant

Here's the picture of the dresser, the far too tiny hampers, and the diaper stacker.

I'll post some pics when I'm closer to wrapping everything up - but for now - this is the starting point of the nursery. I can't believe we're so close. My cerclage comes out in just 30 days!!!!!

Who needs gambling when I've got glucose numbers to watch

I'm roughly 6 days into testing - and I've got the swing of things. The interesting thing is that it's a crap shoot. I can mainly gauge my numbers based on what I eat, but every now and then there's a crazy one. For the first 3 days, my fasting numbers were high. For the next 3 days, my fasting numbers were good. Most of the time my 2 hour numbers are good - but then today.... my ketones were high. It's a total crap shoot. Hence my thinking - who needs to gamble when I have my random numbers to play with? I'm eager to see what my doctor ends up thinking about my numbers. I'm also curious to see what my nutritionist thinks about my numbers. All I know is that I have no intention of carrying this baby to 40 weeks anymore. Now that I know I have gestational diabetes, I think it's better if she comes out at 37 weeks before she gets too big. In fact - I plan on asking my acupuncturist to help me deliver as well. I'm also going to go on an eggplant binge and plan to walk quite a bit. But that's just some morning rambling :)

68 days in bed... and still counting

I honestly didn't think I'd make it this long and still have my sanity. I've been in bed for roughly 2 months and 1 week. I still have at least 5 more weeks to go! Fortunately my bed rest is modified, so I can get up to go to the bathroom and get out to go to the doctor (YAY! The highlight of my weeks). The hardest part of this has been giving up my freedom. I simply can't get up and do the things I used to do. Sometimes, there's food I want or something I'd love to go to Target to get. I can't :( My shopping is now done online - which is ok, but I never realized how much I missed pushing a shopping cart. I'm also eager to nest, but I can only do things at the pace at which I can get help. Ugh...

That being said, I have this little baby inside of me who now kicks constantly. It's a pleasant albeit sometimes uncomfortable feeling. It's that physical confirmation that she's still inside of me - and we're still on the path to success. All in all - I'm doing ok - but this sure isn't easy. When all is said and done, I'll have done at least 15 weeks on bed rest!!

My Gestational Diabetes Class and Day 1 of Finger Pricks

My GD class wasn't that bad actually. It was roughly 3 hours of learning how to eat. It was weird at how formal they made everything, but in a nutshell, the class was straight forward. First I met with a nutritionist who went over my profile and an initial assessment quiz to see how much I understood. She looked at how I normally eat and basically set a plan for me. Since I'm on bedrest - my plan doesn't include any exercise. I never thought I'd say this - but I really do miss being able to exercise. There was a sense of freedom and strength in that. 

Anyway, I left the class armed with my new One Touch Mini glucose testing meters and a booklet to help me log my glucose levels. Before I go into that, we did do a test finger stick in the class. My score was 141. I felt bad, but then again I'd been popping grapes during the whole class. So strangely I was ravenous by the time we left that place, so I decided to stop for Vietnamese food on the way home. They have this noodle bowl dish - absolutely divine. It's a combination of rice noodles, papaya, cucumber, carrots, grilled meat, lettuce, and peanuts with a sweet hot thai chili sauce. Yumm! Needless to say... my glucose reading after that meal was off - 130 when it was supposed to be 120. Dangit! One more thing to remove from my diet! 

I had a lot of anxiety about the needle sticks. It's because of those commercials for those diabetes supplies in the mail for people on medicare. The old people in the commercials are all complaining about painful finger sticks. I was given a lancet that uses this lance called Delica. All I know is that it barely hurts at all! That was a huge relief because I was cringing at having sore fingertips. The ones that the doctor uses hurt like all hell. It feels like being stabbed in your finger!

So today was my first day of full measurements. My fasting was a bit high - 104. That threw me for a loop. My fasting has never been a problem before. I scored great with my breakfast measurement at 94. Believe it or not, they told us we could eat Chick-fil-a on our meal plans. So I tried.... and that was a fail. My lunch reading was 130. BUMMER! For dinner I had some steamed shrimp , mashed potatoes and salad. I got a wonderful reading of 104 for that - woohoo! Oh if I haven't mentioned it - anything under 120 for a meal is considered good! It hit me that this feels a bit like gambling. I play the hand I'm told to play - then we roll the dice and see what my blood sugar is. I hate the fact that I have to eat 6 times a day. It's more often and it's more food than I normally eat. I have only 6 more weeks of this or so. Then I can go back to my normal carb avoidance ways and exercising again - if I have any energy left. I'll know in a week or two if my doctor is going to put me on Glyburide. I'm hoping i can control it with just diet, but I have to admit, I feel a sense of comfort from knowing I could take a pill that would keep the levels all in check. All in all - today wasn't a bad GD day.

FMLA Drama and the beginning of my gestational diabetes journey

My FMLA mission
So I need to apply for FMLA for my maternity leave. I asked my perinatologist office if they could fill my forms out for me. I called them 2 days ago. They said that they prefer for my obgyn to do it. I then called my obgyn. They said they could do it - but I needed to bring my papers in with my next appointment - over a week from now. They also said that it would cost me $25 bucks and it would take 10 business days. If I wanted it sooner, I could pay an extra 10 bucks. ugh. Anyway, My perinatologist called me back yesterday and said - just bring your paperwork with you tomorrow. So I brought it - and get this - they filled all of it out right there and faxed it to my company HR person this afternoon. No charge!!!!

My gestational diabetes journey
So 2 weeks ago I took my 3hr test. I failed it. I thought my values were bad, but my peri didn't think so. Today I had a fresh cervix measurement. My cervix went back up to 2.1 cm wooot! The baby looks fine and my amniotic fluid levels look good. I asked my peri about my GTT scores because honestly - I think my OB's office is too lax with my care. Or maybe they think because I have a peri - they don't have to do much. Anyway - I digress. So I asked my peri about my scores. He felt they were ok - definitely gestational diabetes - but he didn't think they were that bad. They were 94 fasting, 1hr 169, 2hr 181, 3 hr 146 . 95 is the cutoff for a high fasting level - so I barely skated through on that. My 2 hour was the one that he said was really off. I have been feeling a little anxiety about the gestational diabetes thing. I'm not worried about insulin or having a big baby (because she won't make to 40 weeks anyway), but for some reason I'm really freaked out about sticking my fingers. I mean I survived the injection regiment of 2 cycles with IVF, but I just don't want to stick my fingers. The peri told me that I wouldn't have to take insulin. I could take a drug Glyburide. He said it doesn't cross the placenta. Also, I'll monitor my blood sugars and bring in my results weekly. Then if they feel like the diet isn't controlling it enough, then I'll be given the medication. He said only 15% of women with GD end up having to take a medication. So on Friday I'll go for my education, and they are going to give me my meter and strips then. Now to add insult to injury, while I was sitting with the nurses, my peri walks past the office we were in with a fistful of chocolate chip cookies. And he says, "Kat I just want to show you all the stuff you can't eat - no handfuls of cookies for you - haha!" Yes my peri has a sense of humor like that.

So here's my confession. I haven't really been eating bad at all. In fact, I don't particularly like food now that I'm pregnant. I eat because I have to but I never feel like eating. That being said, I decided to have a last fuck-the-world meal. I know that makes no sense. I've done so much to manage my diet to get pregnant and have been eating pretty well during this pregnancy, but on Friday I go back to my diabetic diet. So we went to Five Guys and I got a hot dog and a bacon cheeseburger. YUMM! It's sort of my goodbye to normal eating - that last donut before a diet. It tasted ok, but of course now I'm totally bloated and can't eat anything else. I don't think I'll be able to eat dinner in my current state. Ugh.... but tomorrow I start with all the healthy eating..

All in all I've made my peace with the gestational diabetes. Even though our baby may be born a bit big, she will be done growing most of her organs at 36 weeks, and she won't make it to 40, so she's at low risk of being a huge baby. I hope all is well with her in the long run.

I'm so heartbroken over having gestational diabetes

I didn't think I'd be upset about this - but I do feel really down about this..... I mean.. I've worked out like a mad woman for years. Hell I used to run 20 + miles a week. I lost my first pregnancy with a 20 week spontaneous dilation. UGH! I had 5 years of BFNs after that. I went through 4 months of explosive diarrhea while adjusting my body to metformin. I went through 3 months on nutrisystem to get down to an ideal weight for IVF. I went through a bout of OHSS, I spent 3 weeks where I was in excruciating pain from PIO shots - only to find out I wasn't pregnant. I went through a cerclage and my cervix still shortened! I've been on bed rest for 8 straight weeks. I have 7 more to go! Now I'm pregnant and for a moment I got excited because I've gained only 9 lb in 7 months. I thought that maybe... just maybe I'd be able to win one little battle - but NO - now I have GD too. I honestly feel mentally battered. I wake up 4 - 5 times a night. I toss endlessly. I'm just tired and sadly am secretly wishing for a break from my pregnancy. I'd love to have just 2 days where I feel normal. It's such a weight to deal with. It's like this unending monkey on my back situation that I just can't get an escape from. I find myself fantasizing about having a tiny escape from this whole fertility battle. I know I have only 6 weeks until my cerclage comes out. We're so close to meeting our baby - but wow.... I'm going to have to pull myself together to get through this. OK .... rant over