As I'm approaching the removal of my cerclage and the next phase of waiting for my weak cervix to finally give way... I wanted to address this idea of the woman empowered by child birth. I probably won't win any fans for this blog post, but I've been surfing blogs lately and I came across something very disturbing - Powerbirthing. But before I go into that, I want to put some thoughts down about this idea of the empowerment of child birth. I know there's been a big movement towards natural birth. I've read tons of information about women complaining that they should be in full control of their deliveries. I've read about women complaining about doctors making us do things that are not natural. I've even read about women who feel empowered by doing a birth the way they want to.
I don't want to be in charge
Maybe I'm wrong for feeling this way, but I don't see anything empowering about the child birth process. I am also not looking to get on some kind of level playing ground with my doctor when it comes to my care. My responsibility is to be as informed as possible and to pick a doctor who falls in line with how I want to be treated. But here's where I deviate from the idea of being empowered - I don't want to be in control of my treatment. I want to pick a doctor that I can trust so much that I take their advice and direction when it comes to my health care. After all - they are the experts.
To hell with natural unmedicated child birth - it hurts
Now I should be clear - I'm not advocating for elective inductions or elective c-sections because I'd never go under the knife unless I had to. That being said, I don't want to breathe through excruciating pain during my labor so I can wear some imaginary badge of honor saying I did it naturally. Natural birth has been killing women in child birth for centuries. I have felt contractions before - and frankly speaking if I could get through a labor never feeling them - I'd be the happier for it. We've come far enough that we can have medical interventions that significantly decrease the risk of death for mother and child. I want a doctor with such a good track record that I feel safe getting an epidural. I want to feel so confident that I'll push when they say push - because they've done this over and over.
I hear women talk about birthing in tubs, wanting no medication, wanting to feel every inch of pain - and I can only ask myself - why on earth would I want to do that? Will it make them love their babies more? Is there any research that proves that babies born with no medical intervention / pain management are more successful as people in the long run? When did it become cool to go through a painful experience?
I plan on having a vaginal birth - and only because I don't want to have to go through the pain of recovering from a c-section. I want to have the faster recovery. I've already had to have 2 surgeries just to get this far with my pregnancy - I don't want to have to do a third. I also run the risk of needing a D&C like I did after my first failed pregnancy. I had a textbook delivery but was still passing clots days later.
What exactly is empowering about birthing with pain?
I read tons of blogs talking about getting empowered through childbirth. It's the one thing we go through where we are helpless. We need assistance, we need moral support, we need physical support and we need medical support. I don't see myself as feeling any more empowered once I've managed to push a small watermelon outside of my body. If anything it's going to be my most significant moment of weakness - where I'm going to relinquish control to those I trust the most and blatantly ask them to help me get through this. I remember when I lost my first pregnancy at 20 weeks. I had to go through an entire delivery - and all I could think was that my husband was there giving me strength. He was there to be strong when everything inside of me felt that this was the most traumatizing thing I'd ever been through. I knew I could trust him to make any medical decisions that needed to be made for me. I knew he'd take care of me - and through that confidence, I knew I'd be ok.
I'm anticipating the same thing when I deliver. My labor will have pain, I'll have to lean on him for support, and in my moment of weakness I will feel the ultimate sense of safety because I know he'll be there - and I trust my medical team. So maybe this is me just ranting - but where's the empowerment in this whole process? At what opportunity will I have a chance to feel like I'm a stronger woman?
Now this PowerBirthing thing
This won't be a popular thing to say - but far too many women have posted horror stories ( example - click here ) about how going through a PowerBirth has led them to feel violated, feeling childbirth raped, left them with physical damage, left them with psychological scars and scared them off of natural child birth. Some people argue that manual dilation is part of the process, others say it isn't. I went to the PowerBirth website (click here)and it's a blur of saying this is how millions of women have delivered naturally, that doctors have taken away our rights as women in child birth, that we don't have to be fully dilated to deliver safely, that a cervix can't be destroyed by pushing too early, etc. It talks about how you can empower yourself taking over the birthing process by taking control. To me it sounds like it speaks to the insecurity that far too many women suffer from. It promises an opportunity to somehow feel like you are stronger than how you feel right now. Oh yeah and for the price of a book and a DVD, you can buy a window into this wonderful world of empowerment through PowerBirth. What I do know is that I refuse to accept that minimal medical intervention is somehow better.
I'm not judging anyone
I have a good friend who just went through a natural non-medicated birth with a labor that lasted 38 hours. And hands down - more respect to her - because there's no way I'd ever do that to myself. I have another friend who wants to do a water birth. Of course there's no chance of an epidural with that route either. I've actually had an epidural twice in my life - both with positive results - so I consider them acceptable pain management tools. I don't judge them for going that route. I can honestly see how attractive it seems - but in my infertility battles and struggles to stay pregnant, I've dealt with excruciating and even chronic pain - and I prefer not to feel it if I don't have to. I'm already having a test tube baby. My pregnancy is a testament to the marvels of modern medicine. I see no reason why I would suddenly rebuke my medical interventions and try to do this on my own.
So the whole point of this random rant is to say - Kudos to those who want to do all natural birth and will somehow enrich their lives by embracing all of the discomforts that come with rearing children. I have absolutely no desire to - and although my opinion isn't the popular one - it's mine and I'm sticking to it :)
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