An Infertility Warrior

So it is roughly 7 hours away to my OB appointment - and I'm a nervous wreck. My Dr. Googling has me fixated on the fear that this could be just a blighted ovum. At first I thought it was my fear of being preggo at an inopportune moment, but I realize it's because I actually want this baby. Being an infertility sufferer and high risk pregnancy person ...... I'm always fearful that the worst outcome could be mine. I'm actually kind of sad that it's not an option for me to just be happy that I'm preggo. I'm always concerned about the odds of a negative outcome. Oh how I envy normal preggo women!

As for me, my symptoms have been ramping up steadily. Just 2 weeks ago I thought I contracted a stomach bug. Just yesterday nausea added itself to the long list of pregnancy symptoms I was feeling - and then the throwing up began. I puked for a good 10 minutes. I felt so bad because I've been solo with my toddler this weekend and she had to watch mommy puking and writhing on the floor. On a strangely happy note, while I was hunched over the toilet, she came in, put her hand on my back and rubbed it - saying shhhhh over and over. It almost made me forget the nasty screeching tantrum she threw at me that morning.

So when I list the symptoms I've been having - I almost feel like a fool for doubting that I was pregnant :

• 1 bout of severe constipation ( as in I thought I'd go to the emergency room! ) in December
• 3 weeks of very soft stools
• Last period in October 18th ( but I tested negative on a hpt in mid december)
• General low energy levels for a month 
• Severe fatigue for the past 2 weeks - falling asleep in front of people!
• Sharp pains when I take off my bra - early last week 
• Increased cervical mucus ( thought it was my PCOS and period trying to break through

Then I tested - and it feels like the symptoms are getting worse. Part of me was wondering if it's placebo - I saw the BFP - so now my mind is forcing the symptoms??

Either way - I feel for the poor OB who I'll be meeting for the first time. Hi , my name is ...., and you might want to sit down for my medical background. I basically plan on sharing the following details :

• 20 week miscarriage 2004  - due to incompetent cervix
• D&C
• PCOS
• The laundry list of fertility treatments before IVF ( clomid, diet, metformin, biopsies, HSGs)
• IVF pregnancy , high risk, cerclage, cervix shortening to stitch at 20 weeks, 17p shots, progesterone supplements, gestational diabetes, preterm labor, normal delivery
• I require a cerclage at 12-14 weeks ( see why I'm panicking ) 
• Benign neoplasm of the left ovary ( results non cancerous but lost the ovary to the tumor)
• Wedge resection on remaining ovary
• Surprise BFP - oh and I may have gone as much as 13 weeks preggo and might need a cerclage ASAP

Can someone tell me how a woman with PCOS and 99% of 1 ovary conceived when she wasn't even really trying??????