Mission Accomplished - My Kid Doesn't Like Breastfeeding Anymore

I didn't think that I would get to this point. My kid really isn't interested in breastfeeding anymore. She is 15 months old, so it doesn't completely surprise me. She's been extremely independent with walking at 8 months. She also is clearly seeing reduced bang for buck with nursing vs. eating table food. Even with reducing her cow's milk - she isn't interested in more breastfeeding. We've been down to 1-2 nursings a day for several months. Now we've gone several days without a real nursing - and she doesn't seem the least bit bothered. I think it's safe to say - my child is pretty much done with breastfeeding

I shouldn't be surprised. She's been making less and less effort at it for months. And I've noticed lately she prefers to play with the nipple or use my boob as a pillow as opposed to actually latching. Even when she latches, the second she finds something she can pay attention to - she pops off and wants to do something else. I can't help but think she's internally thinking, "OK woman - I'll do this for a few seconds so you can feel important - but I'm really SO OVER IT!"

I never thought I'd get to 15 ( almost 16 months). Feeding my daughter was like feeding a barracuda. She had razor sharp gums and I cried through many nursings. We had a nursing strike which was horrible. I struggled with pumping and stopped responding to the electric pumps. But she and I stuck it out - and we got the job done. I'm glad I made it this far - although I had envisioned nursing until two. At this point with her lack of interest, I don't feel good about pushing the breast on her - because I feel like it may interfere with her urge to wean.

I guess this is the next step in my child's development.

In the 2WW and had my IVF consult

So in case I haven't mentioned - my cycles are now completely regular. They are actually a perfect 28/29 days apart. Which is awesome for TTC I guess. Of course, I'm not sure if they are truly ovulatory but I've got too much going on to start temping or using ovulation kits. DH and I decided to go ahead and make a half-assed attempt at TTC. So I went and calculated my fertile days and we DTD right when we were  supposed to. Now I can't test until next week Friday - but here I am wondering if I'm preggo.

I have never paid too much attention to 2ww symptoms. When I had my BFN - I had every early symptom. When I had my BFP - I had no symptoms. Yet here I am looking at my body and wondering what's going on. For starters - several days after we DTD, I had some crazy fatigue. I could barely stay awake. I felt off like I had a flu or something and that lasted 24 hours. Fast forward a few more days - and I have had some crazy cervical mucus. There's just more of it and its consistency was - well different. Maybe stringy and long? I dunno - I've never understood describing cervical mucus. So armed with those non-definitive symptoms, I'm allowing myself to at least think it's possible I could be pregnant!

Now as for the IVF consult - that was straight forward. I have 2 blastocysts and 17 eggs. I asked about gender selection but my clinic doesn't do it anymore. We're planning to do a cycle next year May or so. So it's either we get preggo on our own - or we fork out more cash, stick 2 embies in me and see what we get! Sheesh! The crazy ride begins again.

Time to TTC again - ugh or yay?

Yep - it's time again. DH and I have decided that it is time to try to have another baby. I don't know how this is going to go. I also don't even know how we want to proceed with this. I've been trying to decide if we should try naturally or if we should just aim for IVF again.

While I love the financial savings of conceiving naturally - I also don't trust my body's hormones. Maybe it's just me - but I feel like an abnormal ratio of babies born with challenges. I'm not basing this on anything scientific - just from what I've seen in the infertile community. I compare that against the few number of IVF mommies ( of reasonable age ) , who seem to have a lot less going on in the challenges area. I don't know - maybe it's just my fear talking - convincing me that I'm somehow getting a better deal with IVF - especially since it worked for us.

Either way, DH and I have agreed to stop "making sure" that we don't get pregnant - while we figure out what to do. I know that's a non-commital way to make a decision LOL. So one thing that is helping is that since I lost that one ovary to the tumor , and my surgeon sliced my other one ( wedge resection), I've been having perfect 28/29 day cycles.  Of course I'm scared to get pregnant and then lose my other ovary to a tumor - but the oncologist says it's highly unlikely - but ugh!!! Either way - I don't know how we're going to do this - but I'm eager to get this party started hehe!

I've been on hiatus for a while but my oncologist gave me the all clear

The truth is that I have too much going on right now. I haven't given this blog nearly the attention it deserves.

So here's my quick update

1 -DH and I are moving out of the country in less than 3 months - so I've been knee deep in planning a major emigration

2- business has been good but my projects are starting to converge

3 - my oncologist gave me the all clear - I'm officially off of restrictions an allowed to exercise again - wooot! I've started by doing a few push-ups every day and next week I start walking .

Finally - my LO is growing so fast !!!

I can hardly believe it...

The final diagnosis is in - It was a benign tumor of the ovary

I feel like I've been going back and forth about all of this - but I had my post op appointment today. I finally got to speak with the nurse about my results from the pathologist. Now I remember in the hospital when my doctor called it a fibroma. I thought he meant fibroid. Turns out - this thing wasn't a fibroid at all. But before I go too far down that road - here's how my appointment went :

So I went through the usual. Meet a nurse, get weighed, get your blood pressure taken, and get undressed. The PA ( Physician's Assistant) came in and introduced herself. She asked me how I was doing. Now strangely - 3 weeks after the surgery - I almost feel 100 % back to normal. I mean, yes my stomach looks like I was stabbed 6 times in a knife fight, but other than that I'm ok. I also noted that I have a strange aching sensation in my vein where I got my IV. It started maybe 2 weeks after the surgery. Of course I had all the internal paranoia about having a blood clot that would race to my heart and kill me - but I read lots online and apparently this is normal. And go figure - that's exactly what the PA told me. She said I could just put some heat on it - and eventually my body would reabsorb it.

So she looked at my incisions and commented that they were healing extremely well. I have no idea if she was just humoring me - but who cares- it's better than hearing "That's odd...."

She then did a pelvic exam to feel the incision in my vagina. I forgot I had a 7th one in there. Coincidentally - when they tell you not to lift for 6 weeks - its the internal incision that they are most worried about. She explained that heavy lifting could tear that incision open. She asked me to still take another 3 weeks of restricted lifting - so I'll go 6 weeks without lifting my daughter - sheesh. At least I'm getting lots of mommy hugs and kisses in there!

FInally we spoke about the pathology report. So my mass was a benign tumor of the ovary. It was not a fibroid and it wasn't attached to my uterus. She said that they are rare and also don't typically recur. Better yet - she said I'd be ready to conceive in a month or so if I wanted. So who knows - I might be back on the TTC horse.

Since the doc wedged my ovary - I have lost 8 pounds without glucophage or metformin. So ... I might be pissed that he did it - but at least I'll be a bit skinnier .

Ultimately I'm doing real good. I'm just eager to be back to normal again!

Am I an extended breastfeeder?

So this was inspired by a question An online buddy asked me. She asked if my surgery was inspiring me to wean my daughter or if I was doing the extended breastfeeding thing. For starters, I didn't know there was such a concept as extended breastfeeding. Of course I had to google it. And there it was - there's a line drawn in the sand at 1 year. Anything beyond that - and you are an extended breastfeeder!

So I have to wonder - when did this line get drawn? Why was it drawn? Am I slowly becoming a tree-hugging, barefoot, nuts/honey/raw vegetable munching, 5 year old breastfeeding crunchy mom??? Is there some weird transformation that unbeknownst to me I'm undergoing??

Before I breastfed, I thought I'd go for 6 months maybe a year. I actually hated breastfeeding. But here I am a year later. My kid nurses only once to twice a day and I don't feel inclined to lead her weaning. I'm thinking I will let her wean when she's ready. I dunno. This was a nice random thought late last night

My surgery story - part 3 - pain management ain't no joke

So my surgery was on a Friday. I was scheduled to be released on Saturday morning. When the doctor came to see me, he told me - no matter what they say, do not let them discharge you before you've had breakfast and lunch. He went on to explain that I needed to hold down the food with no nausea because if I got nauseas at home, I'd need to be readmitted.

For the first meals, I was on a full liquid diet. I was getting juices, water, broth, and apple sauce. I was able to hold all of that down. I was still in a lot of pain. They had me walking that night. On the first walk, I was able to get down one hallway and needed to turn around. On the second walk 4 hours later, I walked the whole ward. I wasn't feeling awesome, but I was feeling considerably better. On the third walk, I felt like I took a horrible step backward. I was only able to walk down the hallway and I was in excruiciating pain. The night nurse stacked morphine on top of my percocets but it just wasn't working.

In the morning, the doctor came to see me and reminded me about not letting them release me too soon. He also talked more about the adhesions from my childhood surgery. He pointed out that my scarring was really bad and he spent an hour doing a laparoscopic surgery just to remove the surgery before he could even do the robotic surgery. I told him my concerns with the pain medication. My prescription for when I was at home was for Lortab but the hospital was giving me percocets. Percocets were the stronger drug but it felt like they were having no effect. He told me he would put Todarol in my chart and it was an IV medication that may help. He also said - I should see how the Lortab works and if it was having no effect, I should do percocets.

He also asked me how I was dosing. I told him I was doing 1 - 2 percocets every 4 hours based on my pain levels ( which were hovering between  a 4 and a 6). He explained that I'll do better once I'm on a regular schedule. His explanation was that pain pills don't work well for getting pain under control. He said they worked best if your pain was under control and then they simply maintained that level. He also said, I should put addiction out of my my thoughts for now. He stressed taking what I need and then they would taper me down if need be. He also stressed that I don't just suddenly stop taking them either.

After he left I asked the nurse for the Toradol. Can I say - OMG - it made the world of a difference. It isn't a narcotic but it made my pain slide down to a 3/4 for the first time. I actually felt hope about being able to leave the hospital after that. Of course after he left, the nurse wanted to discharge me. I indicated that he said to wait after lunch and she begrudgingly agreed. I did fine with breakfast but when I ate lunch - the nausea started. It wasn't nausea like I was used to. I had a weird twinge when I was eating, but about 5 minutes later the saliva started flowing. I found myself spitting a mouthful of saliva every 60 seconds or so. It was so weird. By the time she came in, I had a friggin bowl of saliva. She gave me an injectable anti-nausea medication, and it started to slow down.

Finally by the afternoon, I was looking healthy enough to brave going home. They gave me another dose of percocet for the trip home - and off I went......

The next few days were full of crazy pain whenever I moved. My abs burn on the right whenever I move. 5 days later, I still need help getting in and out of bed. I'm able to walk around, but I'm still in a lot of pain. I did the walk of sharme as I had to call the doctor's office and asked for more pain medication. After my delivery, all I needed was an ibuprofen and I was good. This time around, I feel like I've been beaten. I have 6 incisions on my stomach and they are stitched on the inside and sealed with skin glue. My post op appointment isn't until the 6th - but I should hear about my lab work for my surgery next week.

Ultimately writing all of this down helps me process what's happened. I feel traumatized. I haven't quite come to terms with what's happened - but what's important is that the preliminary results were that no visible cancer. Now we hope the more thorough results confirm that as well..... We aren't completely of the woods - but we will be soon enough.