Well it is 9 days until my appointment with the oncologist. I'm eager but at the same time, I know it's not going to be reassuring. After all, it is just a first consult. I'll still have to figure out how they will diagnose me. I'm assuming it's a biopsy - but who knows. That being said, I've been totally able to sit back and behave like it isn't an issue. But that's about it - I'm simply functioning as if I'm not thinking about it - but I am thinking about it - subconsciously. All through the infertility woes - I had the reassurance of knowing I had an appt coming up. I knew I was going for blood work, an ultrasound, etc. I had a game plan in writing and I was just executing it. But now I remember the uncertainty of starting the battle. It's just like when I started with the RE. I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I feel like I'm hurtling back to that point.
And since I need to let my mind race a little - here's what I'm trying to wrap my head around. If it's cancer - that's a hell of a beast. And that's the worst case scenario. But what if it is fibroids. Will I have to have them removed? Will they grow if I try to get pregnant again? If I do another frozen egg transfer cycle, will the hormones aggravate them? I know I will always have high risk pregnancies due to my incompetent cervix, but how will fibroids exacerbate things....
Sometimes I really just want to punch my ovaries. Why can't I have a normal reproductive system? I'm feeling like I have 2 defective reproductive organs and we're vying for #3.
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