Now they can't find the mass on my ovary

So I'm totally baffled. I went to get my ultrasound today and the the swears up and down there is no growth on my ovary. Now they told me I had a mass the size of a ping pong / golf ball - and now there's absolutely no sign of it??? I had my first ultrasound on the 27th. And just a couple of weeks later, I get a better detailed one - and there's no mass. Now I have to follow up with the oncologist and see what the deal is. I dont' want to go for surgery if I don't have to - but I don't want to assume I'm ok if there's a chance that I'm not. I'm so frazzled  - I can't even be happy about this prognosis - sigh*

Getting my ultrasound

So I'm sitting in the waiting room waiting to get my ultrasound. My mind has been racing thinking about what could be. I'm hoping this gives a more definitive answer . I just want to get this over and get my surgery scheduled. I'm hoping they will give me my report - so I don't have to wait for a doc appointment to get an explanation - ugh cancer scares sck

Ugh.... I'm going to go under the knife

I'm a bit agitated over the news... so I'll just post what I sent to my family...
I had my consult with the oncologist today. He indicated that the mass was about the size of a ping pong / golf ball. From the ultrasound report that my OB did, he didn't feel that it would be a malignant cancer. That being said, he told me that the mass would have to be removed and tested to be sure. He is unsure if the mass is attached to my uterus or my ovary.

We discussed the procedure. I will have to go for another ultrasound at the hospital to get a more definitive prognosis. After the ultrasound, we will schedule a surgery to have the mass removed. This will be done by a robotic laparoscopic surgery. During the surgery the mass will be removed and a pathologist will examine the mass to determine what kind of mass it is. Once the pathologist gives their diagnosis, they will decide what needs to be removed. There is a chance that they will remove my ovary if the mass is fused to it or if my ovary is affected significantly. We won't know until the doctor performs the surgery.

The surgery requires overnight stay in the hospital and about a week of bed rest for recovery. I just found out today, so I don't have all of the answers yet. I'm contemplating a few things - including talking with my fertility specialist to see if there's anything I should do given any potential risk to my fertility. Fortunately I have eggs and embryos in the bank - but you never know. I will let you guys know when we have dates scheduled for the procedures. I just wanted to let you guys know.


 FUCK!

Treatment options for ovarian fibroids

OK - it's roughly 7 days until my next appointment - and I finally did it - I consulted Dr. Google. I shouldn't have done it - sigh. At least the treatment options for fibroids don't seem so bad. Of course this is assuming that this mass on my ovary is just a fibroid and not something else more sinister.  That being said - it seems I have 5 options:

• Wait and See
• Wait - what ?? Huh? You mean to tell me that I can just sit and watch these things and do nothing? Somehow that doesn't seem right?
• Medication
• It seems that I can do this - if the fibroids aren't too large. I think mine aren't that  big. 
• Hormones
• I think progestin is one of the hormones they can use. This kind of freaks me out - after all - the mini pill was progestin - and that made my hair fall out - eeeeeek. 
• Something called fibroid embolization (whatever that is)
• All I know is that they stick something in my artery to kill the fibroid - eeeek again? I wonder if I can be awake for this
• Hysterectomy
• All I have to say is HELL NO! I refuse to have any body parts cut out of me. I don't care if this is the only treatment that is 100 %. 

Sigh - the self diagnosis is over for today. 

Practicing looking fine when you're scared inside

Well it is 9 days until my appointment with the oncologist. I'm eager but at the same time, I know it's not going to be reassuring. After all, it is just a first consult. I'll still have to figure out how they will diagnose me. I'm assuming it's a biopsy - but who knows. That being said, I've been totally able to sit back and behave like it isn't an issue. But that's about it - I'm simply functioning as if I'm not thinking about it - but I am thinking about it - subconsciously.  All through the infertility woes - I had the reassurance of knowing I had an appt coming up. I knew I was going for blood work, an ultrasound, etc. I had a game plan in writing and I was just executing it. But now I remember the uncertainty of starting the battle. It's just like when I started with the RE. I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I feel like I'm hurtling back to that point. 

And since I need to let my mind race a little - here's what I'm trying to wrap my head around. If it's cancer   - that's a hell of a beast. And that's the worst case scenario. But what if it is fibroids. Will I have to have them removed? Will they grow if I try to get pregnant again? If I do another frozen egg transfer cycle, will the hormones aggravate them? I know I will always have high risk pregnancies due to my incompetent cervix, but how will fibroids exacerbate things....

Sometimes I really just want to punch my ovaries. Why can't I have a normal reproductive system? I'm feeling like I have 2 defective reproductive organs and we're vying for #3.

Got my appointments scheduled - now the wait begins...

I think the only thing worse than waiting to find out what your results are... is waiting to get your appointment to start the process to find out what your results will be. After my miserable Friday where my doc was kind enough to tell me there's a mass on my ovary... that probably isn't cancer.... but still needs to be checked out..... I was up bright and bushy-tailed this morning calling the endocrinologist and oncologist that my OB referred me to.

Well my oncologist office told me that they can get me in within 2 weeks. Sheesh - 2 more weeks of me + Dr. Google.... fun times! I shouldn't have complained, because then the endocrinologist called me and let me know I could get an appointment at the end of May. Sheesh X 2! Good thing I'm not having a crisis! So I've got 2 weeks before I can get the ball rolling on my mass issue. And then the endocrinlogist will confirm my PCOS again and then let me know if I need to go back on Metformin. Oh and total side note - don't you HATE filling out new patient paperwork? Why can't we just get a decent electronic medical record system set up?

I really feel crappy that my hiatus from the drama of dealing with PCOS ended and here I am again - wondering why my reproductive system is so defective. I mean, when you have infertility and you decide to try and overcome it, you're definitely in for a serious battle. But you tell yourself, I'm going to do everything I possibly can to overcome this. You psych yourself up for a serious battle. I used to joke, I'm going to go on until I'm broke or I'm a mother - whichever happens first! Fortunately I'm a mother now, but it seems that the fight for my reproductive system isn't over yet. Ugh. So maybe I'm just going to change my battle motto to - I'm going to go until I go broke or I have a fully functional reproductive system. Whichever happens first!

As if PCOS wasn't enough - now a mass (hopefully fibroid) on my ovary??

Ugh... I am ashamed to admit it - I actually got suckered into thinking that since I was having periods.... I might just be fertile for the first time in my life. Well so much for that misconception. I finally went for my annual checkup - only 3 months late. I've been having periods for the first time in my life - so yeah ... I really did think I might just be fertile. At best I thought well... maybe finally being pregnant has ironed out the kinks in my ovaries - and maybe my PCOS was gone.

Well I went in with my little one for my appointment. I totally expected this to be a routine visit. I spoke with the doctor after he examined me, mentioned that I was having regular periods, but I wasn't sure if my PCOS was gone. I asked him about metformin and whether I should be going back on it. He suggested I get an sonogram before I left. So I waited and got my sonogram. As I was watching my insides on the screen - what's that I see - a string of pearls around my ovary. Ugh... well it seems that my PCOS is still in effect - ugh. That didn't really bother me so much.

Then the ultrasound tech asked me .... do  you have a history of fibroids? I told her no. Well she continues and says.... hmmmm I see a dark area on your left ovary. I think we need to have your doctor look at this before you leave today.  I was still OK with that. After all, I know plenty of folk with fibroids. Why should I be concerned? So back to the waiting room again. Finally when the doctor saw me, he said, well you still have PCOS but there's a mass on your left ovary. Of course in my head I'm like... why isn't he calling this a fibroid? I know it's probably just a moot point, but hey, if it was nothing, why did I have to wait for the doctor to review? He kept saying, I really don't think it's cancer, but I want to be absolutely sure. Again, I'm still feeling pretty good at this point. Then he talks about how he's referring me to an oncologist and an endocrinologist. Ugh wait... what... oncologist? endocrinologist? OK - but this must just be routine ..... that's what I kept telling myself. Then he turns around and says - we just want to make sure you are alive to take care of your little one. well!  All sense of confidence just shot out the window at that point. Although I have nothing to base this on - I feel like it's ok. I am refusing to think that I have cancer until someone actually tells me I do. But this experience has me somewhat freaked out. I can't make an appointment with the specialists until Monday morning - so it's just me and my thoughts... and maybe Dr. Google until then...... Ugh X 2.