Went back to the endocrinologist... why is this feeling so familiar?

So I'm beginning to feel like I'm surrounded by doctors again. When I was going through my fertility treatment and then the high risk pregnancy - I found myself under the care of 3 doctors at once - at any given time. And yet here it feels like I'm in the same situation again ( OB, oncologist, endocrinologist and I'm headed to see my reproductive endocrinologist next week).

Today I went to my endocrinologist to get a follow up for my PCOS. I realize that pretty much after I got diagnosed, I started working on my fertility - so I've always been under the care of a fertility specialist. Pretty much since 2008. This will be the first time that I'm dealing with my PCOS while not TTC.

My appointment went well. The endo pretty much pointed out that I don't have any significant outward visible symptoms that I'm hormonally off. She didn't mean to say that my PCOS isn't there - she was just indicating that at least I don't have a lot of visual symptoms. She ordered up a complete set of bloodwork for me. I even got a saliva cortisol test which she said was for my adrenal glands.... I don't know what that all means - but it sounds thorough enough. I know she's doing a work up for my thyroid as well. Interesting that the saliva test needed to be done at midnight on the night before you go in for the fasting blood work.

She mentioned that she'll decide if I need to go back on metformin after she gets my bloodwork done. I guess it makes sense that I'm doing this now as I still wait for my MRI next week. No harm in getting all my goodies checked out. It's 7 days until my MRI...... I can't wait - the anticipation is so frustrating :(

So the countdown to my MRI begins

I got my MRI scheduled. It will be on June 8th. Not too much to report there, although the nurse asked me if I had issues with claustrophobia. I hadn't thought about it but then I remembered that the MRI is that scan with the tube you lie in. I wonder if I will just keep my eyes closed lol. Guess I will be googling what the experience is like.

So one of my cysters called my ovaries magical. It kind of made me chuckle inside. They are 'magical'. Of course I always considered them defective but they have done some awesome stuff in their lives. They have refused to drop eggs - yet dropped an epic 44 eggs in an IVF cycle. They once laid on top of each other when I had OHSS. And now they may be making a run for the border. Gotta love them!

More confusion about my ovary

Well - I spent a good chunk of last week waiting for my oncologist to get back to me. His nurse called me this morning to give me the results of my ultrasound. He couldn't see the mass - but it did appear that my ovary was enlarged. Now that didn't surprise me - I have PCOS.... why wouldn't my ovaries be enlarged? That being said, he has decided that I need to get an MRI to get a better look at what's going on inside of me.

The nurse indicated that there are 2 possibilities - based on what the doctor said. The mass could really not have been there but my ovary naturally enlarged - or perhaps the mass has encapsulated my ovary. Ugh!! Either way - I don't know if I should be excited or frustrated. Sheesh!

Now they can't find the mass on my ovary

So I'm totally baffled. I went to get my ultrasound today and the the swears up and down there is no growth on my ovary. Now they told me I had a mass the size of a ping pong / golf ball - and now there's absolutely no sign of it??? I had my first ultrasound on the 27th. And just a couple of weeks later, I get a better detailed one - and there's no mass. Now I have to follow up with the oncologist and see what the deal is. I dont' want to go for surgery if I don't have to - but I don't want to assume I'm ok if there's a chance that I'm not. I'm so frazzled  - I can't even be happy about this prognosis - sigh*

Getting my ultrasound

So I'm sitting in the waiting room waiting to get my ultrasound. My mind has been racing thinking about what could be. I'm hoping this gives a more definitive answer . I just want to get this over and get my surgery scheduled. I'm hoping they will give me my report - so I don't have to wait for a doc appointment to get an explanation - ugh cancer scares sck

Ugh.... I'm going to go under the knife

I'm a bit agitated over the news... so I'll just post what I sent to my family...
I had my consult with the oncologist today. He indicated that the mass was about the size of a ping pong / golf ball. From the ultrasound report that my OB did, he didn't feel that it would be a malignant cancer. That being said, he told me that the mass would have to be removed and tested to be sure. He is unsure if the mass is attached to my uterus or my ovary.

We discussed the procedure. I will have to go for another ultrasound at the hospital to get a more definitive prognosis. After the ultrasound, we will schedule a surgery to have the mass removed. This will be done by a robotic laparoscopic surgery. During the surgery the mass will be removed and a pathologist will examine the mass to determine what kind of mass it is. Once the pathologist gives their diagnosis, they will decide what needs to be removed. There is a chance that they will remove my ovary if the mass is fused to it or if my ovary is affected significantly. We won't know until the doctor performs the surgery.

The surgery requires overnight stay in the hospital and about a week of bed rest for recovery. I just found out today, so I don't have all of the answers yet. I'm contemplating a few things - including talking with my fertility specialist to see if there's anything I should do given any potential risk to my fertility. Fortunately I have eggs and embryos in the bank - but you never know. I will let you guys know when we have dates scheduled for the procedures. I just wanted to let you guys know.


 FUCK!

Treatment options for ovarian fibroids

OK - it's roughly 7 days until my next appointment - and I finally did it - I consulted Dr. Google. I shouldn't have done it - sigh. At least the treatment options for fibroids don't seem so bad. Of course this is assuming that this mass on my ovary is just a fibroid and not something else more sinister.  That being said - it seems I have 5 options:

• Wait and See
• Wait - what ?? Huh? You mean to tell me that I can just sit and watch these things and do nothing? Somehow that doesn't seem right?
• Medication
• It seems that I can do this - if the fibroids aren't too large. I think mine aren't that  big. 
• Hormones
• I think progestin is one of the hormones they can use. This kind of freaks me out - after all - the mini pill was progestin - and that made my hair fall out - eeeeeek. 
• Something called fibroid embolization (whatever that is)
• All I know is that they stick something in my artery to kill the fibroid - eeeek again? I wonder if I can be awake for this
• Hysterectomy
• All I have to say is HELL NO! I refuse to have any body parts cut out of me. I don't care if this is the only treatment that is 100 %. 

Sigh - the self diagnosis is over for today. 

Practicing looking fine when you're scared inside

Well it is 9 days until my appointment with the oncologist. I'm eager but at the same time, I know it's not going to be reassuring. After all, it is just a first consult. I'll still have to figure out how they will diagnose me. I'm assuming it's a biopsy - but who knows. That being said, I've been totally able to sit back and behave like it isn't an issue. But that's about it - I'm simply functioning as if I'm not thinking about it - but I am thinking about it - subconsciously.  All through the infertility woes - I had the reassurance of knowing I had an appt coming up. I knew I was going for blood work, an ultrasound, etc. I had a game plan in writing and I was just executing it. But now I remember the uncertainty of starting the battle. It's just like when I started with the RE. I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I feel like I'm hurtling back to that point. 

And since I need to let my mind race a little - here's what I'm trying to wrap my head around. If it's cancer   - that's a hell of a beast. And that's the worst case scenario. But what if it is fibroids. Will I have to have them removed? Will they grow if I try to get pregnant again? If I do another frozen egg transfer cycle, will the hormones aggravate them? I know I will always have high risk pregnancies due to my incompetent cervix, but how will fibroids exacerbate things....

Sometimes I really just want to punch my ovaries. Why can't I have a normal reproductive system? I'm feeling like I have 2 defective reproductive organs and we're vying for #3.