I'm a mother - now what?? Oh yeah - and a confession

I'm really struggling with this concept. I've spent so long trying to achieve this goal - now it's here. Where do I go from here? How does an infertility warrior cope with having a baby? How do I deal with the emotions that come with this. So I had one baby - does that mean I'm fertile? I know that my body will go back to being infertile but how soon?? Should I try to get pregnant again? Should I wait to reduce my chance of miscarriage? Should I get pregnant quickly because I run the risk of going infertile again? It's so crazy!!

That being said, having this baby has been the most transformational thing I've ever done. Not only was it physically the most traumatizing thing ever, but it's forced me to redefine myself. In some ways my life was mainly defined around my attempt to get pregnant and my career. Then the midwife pulled this baby out of me - and I just knew she was what mattered most. Now here I am trying to figure out - who am I ??

My Confession:

So I have PCOS. I have mild insulin resistance. That means I need to be eating like a diabetic. Well since my daughter was born.... that has NOT been the case. After 3 years of a restrictive diet, I allowed myself to have a 12 week reprieve. I basically am allowing myself to eat whatever I want. I know that goes against everything I've know but I just need to feel normal for a while. So I went on a donut binge. Yes I ate a glazed donut every morning for breakfast for 7 weeks. I've been eating Jimmy Dean Sandwich Biscuits for breakfast. I thought my weight would skyrocket but it hasn't. I'm already below my pre-pregnancy weight and I'm not gaining a thing. I'm sure it's the breastfeeding that's helping.  I've had milkshakes, pizza , burgers, etc. That being said, I'm still making sure there are fruits and veggies and whole grains somewhere in my diet - after all - what I eat, the baby eats!

So I have 4 more weeks left, and I'm going back to the fertility diet. I'm going to try and conceive again in the near future, so I don't want to destroy my body. I'm sure you can imagine that motherhood is eating all of my time so I'm not blogging as much - but I'm almost back to my normal self and I'll be back on the horse!