Can't believe my BFP was real

Of course it's way too early to start calling this a viable pregnancy, but I am jazzed to have had a decent first beta. If nothing else I feel like there's been some progress. On Monday I go again to do another beta, and the long road begins. I am sincerely hoping that this is the beginning of that long road. I'm conscious of all of the potential pitfalls - so I can't start celebrating too much, but I have allowed myself a tiny glimmer of hope and excitement that this might just be the one!

1 day till beta - Hi my name is Flowerchica and I'm a POAS addict.

This 2ww has been a total emotional roller coaster ride. The cycle was very easy - not painful at all. In fact it felt too easy . I am angry with myself for taking a HPT early, because I became totally enthralled with them. I had to keep testing - one in the morning and one in the evening. Since I tested early, I saw a very faint positive. So faint I couldn't be sure I saw it. that must made me bananas! I didn't feel any better. Now I was dreading waiting another 12 hours to test again. Then I tested and it too was a very faint positive. Now I'm not sure I've seen it at all. So I go to bed and was unable to sleep properly. I woke up at 3 am that night - UGH! I took another test - and this time I didn't want to squabble with the lines, so I took one with lines and one digital. The digital confirmed it with text Pregnant. One would think that getting a BFP would make me feel better but now my mind shifted to wondering about the quality of the BFP. I was able to pull myself back from trying to measure how dark the lines were, but I realized I'll probably still test every morning and night until my beta because I want to be sure there's still a pregnancy in there. Double UGH! I know there's no good rationale behind this. I understand why they advise women not to test. The testing doesn't relieve anything.

I'm absolutely terrified I'll have a bad beta tomorrow. I just want this to be all over and I either know I"m not going to have a baby or I find out that there's a strong little embryo in there! Triple UGH!

My first BFP? I'm too scared to call it

Ugh so I'm 6dpt5dt ( I think I've finally figured out the nomenclature) and I saw a super faint vertical line. I tested on 5dpt5dt and was hesitant to believe that it was a BFP. The line was there but it was sooo faint. Even today, at 6dpt the line is faint - but it's definitely better than it was on the 5dpt. I'm totally terrified to call it a positive, because that would have to mean admitting that there was hope for this. There are still so many questions I have, is it ectopic, is it really a positive? what if the lines don't get darker etc. My beta is in 3 days so I can wait for that , but I'm going to keep testing. Tomorrow morning I'll try a digital test and we'll see.

1 - So far it's Clear Blue 5dpt5dt - maybe it was a positive - but I thought it may have been wishful thinking
2 - Clear Blue next morning, 6dpt, I'm pretty sure this was a positive ( had to post the image to get other opinions)
3 - EPT that evening, still 6dpt, I'm pretty sure this was a positive too ( line still faint)

I can't celebrate yet - but I feel like I may have made it a bit further than my last cycle.....

Sorry ladies - this is the ranting of a woman who Peed on a stick one too many times - and still want to keep peeing!

3 days to Beta.......

Ugh..... well - doing an early POAS didn't make me feel any better. The plus side is it didn't make me feel any worse..... In fact, it was horribly inconclusive, but at least I felt like I was doing something.

At least my estrogen and progesterone levels were good.....I won't be crushed if it's a BFN, after all I decided that I'm going to do these FETs and IVFs until we're successful or can't afford it anymore. Whichever happens first..... but it would be awesome to end the year with a BFP.

I didn't think I'd be so preoccupied with the 2ww..... I was so much more calm and collected last time around. Brain is totally fried

Rationale of an early POAS’er

So I’ve gone over the charts over and over. I’m pretty much sure I’m about 3 days from being able to POAS with any kind of accuracy. I already went to the pharmacy and bought 5 early response HPTs so I can test pretty much every day until my beta. I’m approximately 4 days since my transfer, and I know I shouldn’t be getting a positive yet. That being said, I looked in my guest bathroom and found an extra HPT lying around from my last cycle. So I tested. It wasn’t a early response test. I didn’t expect to see anything – but I tested anyway.

I actually spent 2 days rationalizing why I would test early this time around:

1. I won’t consider a BFN on a HPT as a real BFN. The only BFN that counts is from my beta. I promised myself not to get upset if I see a BFN.
2. If I am pregnant, and my HPT can help me know that sooner, I’d rather put myself out of my misery of anxiety as early as possible.
3. Last cycle I waited all day for my doctor to call and I was literally glued to my phone. Don’t want to do that again.

So I tested today 4dpt and it was a BFN. Well, I actually think I may have seen an extremely faint line, but that might have been the result of me staring at the test way too long and wishful thinking. I didn’t see anything concrete enough to tell me it was a BFN or anything to give me hope that it wasn't. I didn’t expect to see anything, so I wasn’t disappointed. I kind of think it was like popping my POAS cherry for this cycle. I’m pretty much going to test every single night until I take my beta. I know people say don’t test early, but I think it’s ok if you keep a level head. I keep realistic expectations about what the HPT will provide – and just hope for the best.