It's time to go under the robotic knife

Wow... this is really happening. I know it's been a couple of months where I've been wondering, but in the back of my head, I kind of hoped it was a fluke. I hoped that the dark spot we saw on the ultrasound was just some kind of mistake. Yet today, my oncologist's office finally called back with the MRI results - and they confirmed that the mass was really there. Ugh! So now it's time for me to come to terms with the reality that I'm going in for a real surgery.

It's time to come to terms with some ideas.... like I might actually have cancer. I may wake up from that surgery without my ovaries. I may wake up from that surgery with even more cut out of me. My daughter's birthday is coming up and I'm wondering how I'm supposed to do her birthday party. My running is just getting good again - and I'll have to give it up for several weeks again.

I'm really frustrated because although my gynecological oncologist is extremely experienced in the Davinci method for this type of ovarian surgery, his office takes way too long to return phone calls for my taste. I asked my reproductive endocrinologist to refer me to some other ones, but when I googled those doctors, the feedback was worse than the doctor I have now! Fortunately most of the feedback was complaining about the bedside manner and waiting times, but sheesh. This is nothing like my experience when I was TTC. There my doctors called back 7 days a week without fail.  But I need to decide soon. I'm so ready to get this mass out of me.

I'm feeling a sense of relief. Before I had this unknown cloud hanging over my head. I didn't know if I was sick so I didn't know how to proceed. This isn't the outcome I wanted, but now that I know.... I am ready to get my head in the fight. I go back to focusing everything in my power to getting through this healthy and mentally sound. I still feel like I've been on the medical battlefield for so long, that I'm not entirely freaked out about it. In fact, I'm ready for it. I'm ready to simply do what it takes to get the all-clear so I can get back to my life. Sigh......