All the things they should have told me about pregnancy and having a newborn

So I admit - I watched a birth story and looked at youtube videos to try and prepare myself for my child's birth. However, I feel very bamboozled about what I was expecting for my pregnancy experience. I don't have any regrets but there are many things that people just don't tell you when you are getting pregnant. Here's my running list so far :

1. Morning sickness / vomiting is bad - but having 12 weeks of dry heaves and the urge to vomit is even worse!
2. Pelvic Girdle Pain is real and hurts like all hell. It feels like someone is pulling your pelvis apart from the middle. 
3. You  can bleed for up to 8 weeks after your delivery. 
4. Epidurals do fail - and if you're on pitocin, the contractions will feel like death. 
5. Having your water broken is not painful or uncomfortable at all. 
6. Once your water breaks, you'll be oozing hot fluid until your baby is born.
7. Your baby can poo in your amntiotic fluid - and that can give your baby a trip to the NICU if it affects their breathing.
8. There's an unholy mixture of meconium, amniotic fluid and blood that can come out of you after the placenta passes!
9. The midwife / nurse may massage your uterus to push it down after the delivery. That massage does not feel good.
10. You may be put on pitocin for up to 12 hours after your delivery to help your uterus cramp down.
11. Breastfeeding is incredibly painful - and can send knife-like sensations up your breast. 
12. When your baby is born, you'll only have colostrum coming out of your nipples and it takes a lot of work to get the colostrum to come out. 
13. Pumping colostrum is a joke, at best you can hope to get 20 drops at a time. You may have to finger feed your baby that colostrum.
14. Breastfeeding after birth can give you very painful cramps in your uterus. This is normal.
15. If you sleep when your baby sleeps - you'll never have time to pump milk.
16. Having a cerclage removed can be an incredibly painful experience. 
17. It's possible for your cervix to grow over your stitches in your cerclage. 
18. Progesterone-in-oil injections can be incredibly painful 
19. Betamethasone / celestone steroid shots burn like all hell - but if you need them you'll only need 2
20. 17p shots don't hurt that bad - even though they use a horse needle
21. You can tear during delivery - but its not that bad. 
22. Your first poo after a vaginal delivery is the scariest poo you will ever take.
23. Even if you don't believe in co-sleeping, your baby will find their way into your bed - if nothing else out of frustration from the late night cries.
24. With your newborn.. you may have to do up to 15 diaper changes a day
25. Don't make a birth plan - you're just setting yourself up for disappointment

40 things I never thought I'd do until I got pregnant

1. Wipe the crack of my ass with medicated preparation H wipes for 2 weeks with no success
2. Pee every 20 minutes
3. Eat pickles and ginger snaps
4. Sleep on a couch for 15 weeks 
5. Suffer through 8 months of vivid dreams
6. Stick my fingers 4 times a day to test my glucose
7. Sleep with my legs elevated for days at a time
8. Spend 3 months researching cribs
9. Crochet 8 blankets out of boredom
10. Fantasize about being able to drive my car to Target and just shop
11. Wake up to pee 3 times a night
12. Be unable to get out of bed until I feel a baby kick inside of me 
13. Pay someone to keep me company at home while on bed rest
14. Get injected in my butt every week for 15 weeks
15. Reduce my wardrobe to 7 items that I could wear for every day of the week 
16. Be restricted from going upstairs more than once a day 
17. Do the toilet paper dance( constantly looking in toilet paper after wiping to look for signs of bleeding)
18. Envy another woman because her belly was bigger than mine
19. Be awake and babbling for a surgery while my legs dangled in a harness
20. Get acupuncture
21. Confine myself to the house for almost 4 months
22. Celebrate that the highlight of my week is a trip to see a doctor
23. Take 10 home pregnancy tests in 3 days because I kept getting different results
24. Yelp when I take my bra off because my breasts were so sore
25. Worry that I wasn't gaining enough weight
26. Sleep with a pillow between my legs
27. Practically live in a bathroom
28. Have a test tube baby
29. Fantasize about all the cloth diapers I could buy
30. Go more than 6 months without eating sushi
31. Give up diet drinks
32. Inject myself with medications up to 4 times a day 
33. Sleep for 14 hours straight
34. Fall asleep while driving (yes that really happened to me)
35. Eat string cheese 3 times a day for the protein
36. Pray for a normal bowel movement
37. Shave my nether regions blindly and not care if I missed patches of hair
38. Be happy to see additional pounds on the scale
39. Ogle over a high-end diaper pail
40. Go more than 8 months with no exercise

My mental battles with bedrest

I can't believe it's been 5 days since my last post! I admit, I've had a rough couple of days. I've still been doing the work from home thing - but the work has been crazy. It's weird having a hard day at work while you're lying on the couch! Also, I just celebrated the passing of the micro-preemie status. I know this is a little celebrated milestone, but for me who is in fear of having a preemie, I feel better knowing we have a chance of having a preemie with better odds.

Also, it seems that now the baby has really started growing. I just feel like I'm being stretched in all directions.  I don't really ever feel comfortable. If I lie on my back I feel heavy and uncomfortable. If I lie on my side, my baby wakes up - and thumps the side I"m sleeping on. I tend to wake up several times a night. I know they say this is preparation for those sleepless nights with a newborn - but wow - it's already taking its toll on me.

Another thing that's frustrating me is that although as the day passes, my risk factors decrease, I have this unshakeable fear. It's not associated with anything I've been feeling physically. In fact, this pregnancy feels great. My baby moves frequently, I have had no spotting, no cramps, and barely any contractions. Yet, after a second trimester miscarriage, waiting 5 years for a BFP, a harrowing IVF cycle, a failed fresh IVF cycle, finally getting pregnant, my cervix shortening, and now failing a glucose tolerance test... I feel like its delusional to think that this pregnancy will work out without complications. Of course my mom says things will be fine - and just be positive, but it's hard not to remember all of the things that can go wrong. I try not to let my emotions drift too far in that direction, because I think mental stress gets transferred to the baby.

On top of everything I feel lonely. Not lonely in the sense of not being around people. I've been very lucky, friends have come to visit me, my mom spent 6 weeks with me, my husband spends lots of time with me and I have people staying with me when he's not around. But I miss my life. I miss my freedom. I miss the things I used to do. I even miss some simple basic things, like being able to go upstairs whenever I wanted to. I am not afraid that my life will change after this baby comes, but I'm afraid I'll lose myself. I feel like I've been pregnant since July (when I started all the IVF stuff). I will literally go a year having given up my body by the time our baby comes.  I plan to exclusively breastfeed, so I know to some degree I'm still giving up my body for at least 6 months after that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining as such. I have absolutely no regrets and I would never change my mind about having this baby or future ones - but I have to admit, this whole process has taken quite the mental toll on me. Sorry for the rambling thoughts today... I was having trouble focusing! Must be my pregnant brain!

Could I be having a normal high-risk pregnancy day?

It feels so strange... there's nothing particularly wrong! I don't want to jinx it or anything - but I'm feeling good. I got another 17p shot today. Despite the fact that the needle looks like a horse needle LOL... it doesn't hurt at all. The nurses who give it are good too - so there's no pain at all. I'm excited because my first shipment of baby stuff arrives today. I mean.... the NESTING BEGINS!! Of course while I was at the doctor I missed the delivery, so DH will have to go to the post office to pick it up - but other than that - I'm a happy camper. Sorry for the skimpy post today ... but hey - no news is good news!

The many milestones of my pregnancy

Breaking my pregnancy down into palatable chunks has been a big part of making this pregnancy wait more bearable. Clearly I'm in the mood for lists lately!There is so much time that we spend in anticipation, it feels good to cross those milestones. Here have been my milestones - and the ones to come :

Ones I've crossed:

The 2WW

This is the dreaded 2 week wait. It's the 2 weeks after conception where you can check if you are pregnant. Of course if you've done a fertility treatment - this has that much more meaning!

The first heartbeat ~ 6 weeks

So now you're pregnant. If you're seeing a specialist , you might have seen an ultrasound of a cute little yolk sac. The next thing is making sure that you see a heartbeat. This normally happens around 6 - 7 weeks or so. Once you have a heartbeat, your baby has a much higher chance to make it.

The first trimester ~ 12 weeks

This is often the point of exhaling for many of us. After the first trimester, the risk of miscarriage drops significantly. This was huge for me!

Getting my cerclage in ~12-13 weeks

Since I've got incompetent cervix - I of course have had anxiety about somehow my cervix failing me before I was able to secure everything with a stitch. I was so relieved to get the stitch in and to know my cervix had some reinforcement.

20 weeks - the gestational point of my last miscarriage

This is the point at which I lost my first pregnancy. I knew I wouldn't exhale until I crossed the 20 week mark  and had my first bit of proof that I would get further along this time.

24 weeks - Viability 

I really hate this milestone. It's a great one but it's so morbid. It's the point after which the doctors will try to save your baby if they are born too early. Crossing this moves us into the territory of thinking about "when" we have this baby - as opposed to "if" we have this baby.

Ones to come: 

26 weeks - crossing the micro-preemie threshold

A micro preemie is a baby born weighing less than 1 pound, 12 ounces (800 grams) or before 26 weeks gestation. Over 90 % of babies born beyond this date survive (source) .So there's some comfort in that.

28 weeks - 7 months preggers and lower risk of major complications
This one isn't such a hard milestone - but babies born after 28 weeks generally have a 90-95% survival rate and a lower risk of long-term complications.

36 weeks - removal of my cerclage
Once I get here - I'm pretty much golden! The docs will be happy with me going into labor at any point after this :)

10 indignities of pregnancy

So I rarely do a rant piece ... and I have to admit this was inspired by a bit of TMI that I even hesitated as to whether I should post. Now here's my disclaimer - I'm not the least bit sorry that I'm pregnant. Despite all of the things I've had to endure - I wouldn't trade it for the world. I just think that when we talk about pregnancy - we never really talk about all the gross stuff we have to go through. So here's my post dedicated to the indignities of pregnancy :)

#1 - You will be poked with needles constantly

Yep - we get screened for everything. It sort of feels like every appointment related to my pregnancy involves me giving a blood sample for one reason or another. If you're squeamish over needles.. pregnancy will cure you of that.

#2 - Trying to pee in a cup just ain't that easy 

 I don't know about you - but I hate peeing in a cup. There's the whole balancing act of trying to catch a clean stream of urine into a cup. Then you have to make sure you seal it, don't spill any on the outside, and try to hand the nurse a cup of pee that doesn't look like it's been sprayed with pee!

#3 - Your significant other won't be the only person to stick a finger up there!

This one just sucks too - but if you've ever had your cervix checked.... you know the drill.  There's nothing like lying there as the obgyn rams two fingers into your nether regions, with a nurse making mindless conversation with you - and your significant other standing mortified in the corner. Oh the joys!

#5 - Your significant other won't be the only person to get a handful of your boobs

Yep - your obgyn will probably be giving you a breast exam before all is said and done!

#6 - Hemorrhoids

I'm sorry - but there's just something incredibly demoralizing and irritating about swollen bits of flesh on your back end that itch, ache if you sit on them, and make you not ever want to go #2!

#7  - Discharge

Your nether regions will simply produce lots of extra goo for the duration of your pregnancy. Say goodbye to having dry panties or say hello to 9 months of pads... whichever you prefer!

#8  - Bowing to the porcelain God

For whatever reason, somewhere along the way - your GI system will decide not to play nice. If it's not nausea, dry heaves, it's the runs or constipation. Either way - the bathroom will be your new local hangout!

#9 - Having random objects shoved up your nether regions

Be it speculums, transvaginal ultrasounds, or cervical checks... you will have things inserted in there. And you will get used to having lots of ultrasound gel / KY jelly type substances put in there.

#10 - Having to get injections in the butt

I haven't had so many shots in the butt since I was a kid. Should you find yourself getting progesterone shots or steroids, prepare to bend over and take a needle in the back side

This is all part of the pregnancy package :)

Overcome by the urge to nest

It's so weird, I've been scared to start nesting. I mean I've felt the urge to, but I kept telling myself - how will I cope if I start nesting and then this baby doesn't make it? But there's the other side of this - if I don't nest, and I don't partake in the planning activities for this baby, I will seriously regret missing the opportunity to do so. I'm already on bed rest - so there won't be those fun trips to stores to feel baby bedding, look at cribs in person, and coo over baby clothes on racks.

So I made a decision, I'm going to nest anyway. Screw it . If this baby doesn't make it - oh well - but I want to have some positive memories from this pregnancy. I'm positive about everything, but it's hard to stay engaged when you have this looming cloud of fear. I also want to have a nursery that reflects the love and care that we have for this new life we're bringing into this world. I don't want it to be some thing that we just rushed and threw together because now she's here.

Part of what motivated me was that - I picked my nursery decor out. And I've had it in my registry for 2 months now. And then I saw it starting to sell out on Amazon. I wanted to buy it - but my DH wants to wait. But what if I wait and it sells out? This is the one I want and what if it's not available when I want it? Finally I broke down after a week of contemplation and bought one of the 2 last sets available. Rational? probably not ... but I'm pregnant - who said I needed to be rational! I do feel a sense of relief that I at least have the bedding, hamper, diaper rack, changing pad covers and crib sheets sorted out. Now it's just a matter of waiting. When I get closer to 28 weeks - I'll probably feel a strong urge to grab the rest of the stuff we want. I'm still debating with DH - because I want to get the crib now. Cribs manufacturers are notorious for sending cribs that are scratched, dented, missing parts etc - and I want that to be sorted out.

Anyway - this is just a pregnant woman's morning rant :)