Day 2 of the 2WW ( err 10 day ) Round 2

Well..... a few thousand dollars later and I've paid to have 2 more eggs dropped my belly to hope for the best. This time I had a FET cycle instead of a IVF cycle and I definitely liked it better. I'm still nicknaming myself a fish because they got 44 eggs out of me. Initially I thought I got only 6 embryos and that 2 had died. Turns out only 1 died - which is awesome because it means I spent 1 egg on IVF, 2 eggs on this cycle, and still have 2 frozen embryos left. Then even better - I still have 17 eggs in the bank!

Anyway I took the whole week as a work from home to try and keep my stress levels down. I did acupuncture for this cycle to help calm my nerves. Plus the research says it helps.

My transfer went off without a hitch. In fact it almost seemed too easy. Last time the doctor had to go digging for my cervix! Now it's pretty much up to my embryos and my womb to play nice and give me a BFP. I go back to work tomorrow, but I hate the waiting. After all I have no control over anything. The progesterone has given me a progesterack. And for those of you who are wondering what that is - well I jacked the term from another woman's post on another forum. It's pretty much your breasts after being on progesterone. Mine are HUGE!

I can only help that the relaxed nature of this cycle and using more than 1 egg will increase my odds of getting pregnant.

Furious with AF

Well... after my BFN - after my first IVF, I was looking forward to a long weekend. I had all kinds of festive activities planned. I was anticipating AF showing up about a week or so after I stopped my progesterone. In fact, I was expecting that worst case scenario, AF would show up right around the end of my weekend. Giving me at least 2 days of fun in the sun. Not only that - but I was looking forward to 5 days where I could actually enjoy some sexual activity with Dh. But NO - Mother Nature wasn't hearing any of that. 2 days after I stopped my progesterone... AF shows up! So I've had 1 round of sex in i think 6 weeks. Ugh!!! And my nurse warned me that this will be heavier than a normal period - as if a chick with PCOS knows what a normal period is!

So this is just my venting - because it's irritating that this is one more thing I'll have to give up for this. Can't exercise during cycles because of how sick I was, can't drink, can't take any caffeine, can't eat naughty things, and can't have sex. Ugh... is there anything else that this TTC mission hasn't taken away from me?

Embracing my first IVF BFN

Well I might as well just say it – I got my first BFN after my first IVF. I feel kind of weird about it. I mean I have been level headed through this entire IVF. I understood all of the risks. In fact, I haven’t shed a single tear through all of this (don't think that's normal). Every step of IVF is a huge question mark. You don’t know if you will get follicles, you don’t know if they will grow to full size, you don’t know if they will contain eggs, you don’t know if the eggs will fertilize, you don’t know if the fertilized eggs will develop, and then you don’t know if the embryo will stick. So you know better than to get your hopes up. But if all of that wasn’t enough – they give you progesterone which actually makes you feel pregnant. How much of a mind F&*K is that? Now you spend 2 weeks feeling pregnant while you wait to see if you really are. Through all of this you have to keep a level head and realize that nothing is guaranteed. I know that if you do IVF enough times – you’ll get preggers, but it just hurts when it doesn’t happen. SO I get my BFN and my mind sort of goes into a haze as the doctor babbles on about potential clotting factors and possible family background for heart attacks. Ugh… all I know is that we’ll be having a consult to discuss what went wrong and what could be done differently.

I don’t blame myself yet I feel like a failure. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like there’s something I didn’t do. I feel like if I had spent one more day resting, or perhaps not switched from PIO shots to suppositories or perhaps if I just wanted this baby a little more – I’d have gotten my BFP. I've been pregnant before so I know my uterus works - so why did it fail me now? I know none of these thoughts are rational – yet my mind keeps moving in that direction.

Now I have the pleasure of waiting for AF to come. Not only will this confirm just how NOT PREGNANT I am, but I have the pleasure of enduring another period with nothing to show for it. I then get to begin counting down to my next cycle. I’m already hell bent on doing as many cycles as I have eggs or at least until I get preggers. I guess I just have to channel my frustration into positive energy for the next cycle. It’s just hard right now.

So… IVF Score 2 – FlowerChica Score 0!

20 things I wish someone had told me about IVF

1. There’s no way to prepare for the ways the hormones will make you feel. You might feel nothing, you might feel completely off.

2. Every step of the IVF process is a question mark : Will your eggs mature, will you be able to extract enough follicles, will there be eggs in the extracted follicles, will the extracted eggs fertilize, will the fertilized eggs mature, will the mature fertilized eggs stick? Etc.

3. Vaginal ultrasounds are actually pretty invasive and can be painful. Not only that – but you may very well have to do them daily.
4. Subcutaneous injections are nothing to be afraid of. Scarier things will come after.

5. The doctors cannot predict how much ovarian stimulation medication you will need – so this is a big cost question mark! Assume the worst.

6. Intramuscular shots don’t hurt when you get them. Don’t be afraid of the needle! Be afraid of the pain that follows the morning afterwards

7. Do NOT inject an intramuscular shot anywhere near the middle of your butt cheeks – you will not be able to walk the next day. In some cases, for the next few days.

8. Progesterone makes you feel really pregnant. So after your egg transfer, you really feel pregnant – how’s that for screwing with your mind?

9. Having to hold your pee while you do the egg transfer sucks!

10. Egg transfers are not painless procedures. It might feel very uncomfortable and you’ll be tempted to piss all over the doctor trying to get that egg in.

11. A test run for an egg transfer is a very good thing!

12. Ovarian Hyper Stimulation is no joke – and it’s directly tied to the number of follicles you produce. Although rare, if you’re PCOS you’re really at risk. Drink water like you’re about to cross a desert with no supplies. Drink electrolytes like crazy and go on a super high protein diet.

13. Swollen ovaries hurt like all hell – and you can’t cough, have a full bladder, or laugh without discomfort. You also can’t walk right and have trouble sleeping on your stomach.

14. You probably need to take time off of work during your IVF process

15. Progesterone in oil shots can actually leave your butt cheeks misshapen, sore and lumpy for days, weeks, or longer

16. If you get pregnant – you may have 12 weeks of progesterone in oil shots

17. Even if you get a BFP after your IVF, it can still degrade into a BFN

18. Progesterone can give you horrible dizzy spells

19. You may find yourself quite immobile during your cycle – it’s not a bad thing to lose some weight before you start to offset any immobility related weight gain

20. Get a heating pad! It will help you in so many ways.

Dinner craving so crazy maybe I'm preggers?

Sigh - that's just my mind getting ahead of itself. With 7 days till I find out of I'm pregnant - my mind is starting to play tricks. but I was surprised at the dinner I made for myself. Since the prospect of having a child has motivated me to much better compliance with metformin - this is a metformin-safe dinner meal:

1 skinless bone-in chicken thigh roasted in the oven
4 100% whole grain crackers
2 slices of tomato
2 small strawberries
1 teaspoon hummus
1 teaspoon potato salad
1/2 a plum sliced
1 small clementine / tangelo <-- not entirely sure what kind of orange citrus fruit it is

I have no idea what motivated me to put this together on a single plate - but it's definitely hitting the spot tonight - YUM!.

Goodbye PIO Shots!!!

So my doctor let me switch to suppositories. I'm so happy. They finally conceded - I simply don't have enough booty to tolerate these shots. I'm so happy - I'll be able to walk in a few days

Next step in the battle with Progesterone in Oil shots

So I'm still struggling with these shots. Dh and I keep working on different techniques to alleviate the symptoms. Last night we did this :

1. Heating pad for 15 minutes
2. injecting higher ( near the very top of my butt )
3. 10 minutes deep strong massage in my cheeks
4. Heating pad for 20 minutes
5. Stretching exercises raising my legs to 90 degrees ( PAINFUL)
6. Heating pad for another 20 minutes
7. One more 30 minute massage
8. In the morning - gave myself another massage
9. 10 minutes on a treadmill - 1.0 on the speed, level 8 on the incline to stretch the butt

That's brought my pain from a level 9 to maybe a level 8 - 7.5 . I don't hurt as much when I walk but sitting is still painful. Also - sitting for any period of time creates pain when standing up and walking. Sigh*

Today I go and beg the nurse for a better regiment. I'm also getting my progesterone levels measured. I can't go back to work until I can tolerate sitting in a chair